Even God by Charlotte Church

Even God can't change the past
No matter how many tears I've cried
Yes, I thought this love would last
Who am I to question why?
Who an I?

Darling when I'm hurt
That's when I'm satisfied
Tell me what it's worth
To persue the Holy life
I can see your face
Even when I close my eyes
I can give you love
Even when I've been denied

Who's loving who?
Who's fooling who?

Even God can't change the past
No matter how many tears I've cried
Yes, I thought this love would last
Who am I to question why?
Who am I?

Darling what is love
If it never gets you high?
Should we sit and wait
While the wasted years roll by?
Is there time to say
If I lied, I apologize?
Never go away
Please stay here by my side

Who's fooling who?
Who's loving who?

Even God can't change the past
No matter how many tears I've cried
Yes, I thought this love would last
Who am I to question why?
Who an I?

They try to break you
They try to steal your stars
If they ever take you
Just remember who you are
They try to hate you
Just like some love bizarre
It's a sign of weakness
To be afraid of what you are

Who's loving who?
Who's fooling who?

Even God can't change the past
No matter how many tears I've cried
Yes, I thought this love would last
Who am I to question why?

Life is Boring

Well many things have been running in my mind....Some is happy some is not. So why be bothered abt it?

Yesterday went for my guitar lesson with baby. Dont know why I somehow felt v discourage over the many things even though I may look happy!

Hummm when will i leart my lesson? Have I given up 100% or I still wanna stick one leg into the world? Would i be able to leave my past behind, dont feel guilty abt it and move on? I think this time its really difficult for me.....

Well its not something of my own choice. Just felt that why is the world so cruel and people are trying to destroy me when I am being nice to them. Why me? There are so many people ard, why they dont go mess with them? Why choose me? I have never hurt anyone before, yes I am gullible, so wat !!!!!!

Untitled - Simple Plan

Why is life so hard.. Turning a new leaf is simply too difficult..everyone is judging everyone else, even the so called holy and anoited ones! Jesus said 'Let the one without sin, cast the first stone"....


Untitled
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight

And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

Chorus:
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

A meaningful day

Finally after 4 weeks of recuperation from my emotional hurt caused by the Devil, Gerry is slowly getting back to do meaningful thingy again. A part of me was still chipped..but its the consequence I had to face for being foolish, trusting and loving the devil.

I barely slept on friday nite as I was 'admiring' my PC until 5.30am. Then I had to wake up early on sat morning to attend the bible study lesson which I had missed (on those sundays which I was with the devil and falling sick :D). After that, a few of us visited Terence's dad at the hospital to pray for him. Seeing his dad reminded me of my grandpa. I was feeling kinda sad to see such a skinny and helpless man lying there. The least i can help is to visit him and pray for him.

We had an enjoyable fellowship together eating the Punggol Nasi Lemak (which was blessed by Abraham) before our prayer meeting coupled with the "speak proper english campaign". I seriously think that Singaporeans are very weak in speaking proper mandarin and English. When we speak in Mandarin, the mainland chinese and Taiwanese will laugh at us. When we speak English, the caucasians dont understand our singlish too =D In the end we are neither here nor there...hee hee I think the best language that we speak is the Hokkien Vulgar Langauge...haaaa..........(well..its just my 5cents worth of thoughts..I hope I wont offend anyone)

Perseverance (its tough...)

"New level = New Devil. Thus we need New Faith to see us through the New Test." humm.....

I am facing the same temptation again. But I know I must guard my heart well this time round. I already came so far, I cannot fall again in the same trap. I am pressing on thru prayer every time I was tempted to call. I am wondering is he ok, what is he doing now, still busy this n that kinda stuff..Why am I still thinking abt it? Beats me....Do i still care abt him after all these? Do I need more time to forget abt it again? Well, I really enjoyed and missed his company. Seeing him dance, sing etc is enuff to make me laff. Really cute and funny to think abt it.

I know this mind battle will come again n again but I will hang onto God's promise to deliver me again and again until the victory is finally over. Its tough but I know with my own strength i really cannot pull through. But with God's help, I am sure I am able to forget someday. Its stupid of course bec I am here still missing and thinking while the other is partying now (i presume). Well guess this is life...U gain some, u lose some, you cant have the best of both world. The most impt thingy is, it is not necessary to be with the person you love as long as you know that he is enjoying and happier like this...the other impt fact is, IT IS FOR MY OWN GOOD!

Vision Of Jesus's robe

An angel saw a vision for me that day .....

I am clothes with Jesus BIG White robe of righteousness and supernatural strength...Just when I thought I have no more tears in my eyes or is my heart dead, tears rolled down automatically. I know with my own strength, I can never make it, Now I am relying on God's strength to help me overcome the hurdles in life.

I am determine to treasure Jesus's robe and move on...I have come so far, I cannot simply just give up...Deep down, I know i still love and fear God even though the devil is trying so hard to steal away my dreams and destiny......

But the good thing is...keep on keeping on...

Jay Chou Concert in Singapore

I thk I were among the crazy gals screaming in the concert with 3 of my friends at the indoor stadium.

Jay is simply fantastic! I missed his performance and I will definitely buy the most expensive tickets again if he is coming to perform in Singapore again!

Farewell Baby Devil (9 Mar 06)

Today is a day of remebrance because I had finally decided to forsake the past and cast all my cares upon God. The seed was never uprooted a year ago. I must ensure that the seed and the roots is completely uprooted this time round. Yes, its painful to forsake it but I know I must forget the Devil now. The devil will always be a devil, and nothing good will ever come out from him. The devil had painted a beautiful picture and given me a wonderful time, but all this is temporal with no eternity and does not prosper my soul at all! Although I had suffered from the consequences, I also learnt alot during the process.

It must be God's will to allow it and to end it. Everything is supernaturally intervened. I sensed it in my spirit and I know I can never win my fight against God. I was simply rebellious until 7 Mar 06 when I watched Joel Osteen services. Faith really comes by hearing, and hearing from the word of God. Romans 8:28 In all things, God works for the good of those who loves Him!

God reminded me of the axehead story in 2 kings 6 again. This was what God showed me 1.5yrs ago when I first came to church. And now I know its another cycle bec God showed me the exact verse again! (Creepy) It is by God's grace that the axe float in the water and I have to PICK IT UP TOO. But I must also know why the axehead dropped. God had revealed it to me why my axehead dropped. I know its my root cause and I know God is surfacing it out for me to pray and deal with it.

Today I made my decision to forget abt the devil. I finally deleted all his sms and contact number from my HP. The devil will be a history from now onwards........Restoration mentality will takes place.........

Cry !

Many times, our soul cries out to God "Abba Father! Help me!" I can no longer walk in this life victoriously without you by mu side! Its always when we humbled ourselves and cry out to God saying "God! I cannot take it anymore! I cannot forget nor change the past, I cannot control the present nor predict the future! My life is not in my hands but yours! I am the clay and you are the potter! God, this is my life, I cry out to you for your help and surrender! Whatever u wanna mold or change in me, please do so...but please pour all your anoiting over me, dearest Jesus!"

I really missed the time we had our church service at our first church building at Jurong. But I am even more excited to wait upon the Lord for our new stadium Building!

Wat a CRUEL WORLD! :(

Anti-Terror Pro-U.S. music video. This video has actually become quite popular all over the internet...enjoy. But I was very disturb by the cruelty seen...Really thank god for the peace we have here.

Nice Song by Samo Zain

A change of taste to Arabic Song. Where is my Habeebi??

Arraby Laya - Samo Zaen
(A sad song...why most of the arabic songs are so sad?)

Kimura sings: Mai Ya Heee (lool)

Kimura is so funny in this clip :P

My long time favourite Japanese Song (YES! Not arabic! :)

Smap: Lion Heart ...My idol Kimura is inside :)


Do As Infinity


X-Japan: Forever Love

Temptation - Dun underestimate it

Been blessed reading Joyce Meyer's teaching. I realised pride is one of the thingy that caused my fall. I should not be over confident that I will not give in to that temptation. One thing that draws us into temptation is thinking too highly of ourselves...trusting ourselves too much. This is an attitude planted by the enemy, but 1 Corinthians 10:12 warns, Therefore let anyone who thinks he stands [who feels sure that he has a steadfast mind and is standing firm], take heed lest he fall [into sin]. We need to realize that Satan tempts us to do evil, but God tempts us to do good.

Sometimes we face temptations because of something in our lives that Jesus wants to bring to our attention so we can do something about it. He knows how important it is for us to know the truth about ourselves. Even though it may be painful to acknowledge that our weakness, we will deal with it and overcome it, that truth will set us free. The only way you can have all that Jesus wants you to have is to be what He wants you to be. And that maturity comes in degrees. So be determined to resist the enemy and take authority over him. Trust and obey God, and rejoice in the promises found in Psalm 94:12,13: Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man whom You discipline and instruct, O Lord, and teach out of Your law, that You may give him power to keep himself calm in the days of adversity, until the [inevitable] pit of corruption is dug for the wicked. Through Christ you can remain steady in the storms of temptation.


RESIST TEMPTATION AND WIN THE BATTLE
James 4:7 says, ...be subject to God. Resist the devil [stand firm against him], and he will flee from you.

Focus on God, Not the Failure

Instead of concentrating on your problems and getting discouraged, focus on God and meditate on His promises for you. Yes, you may have fallen down but you don't have to stay down. God is ready, willing and able to pick you up.

God reminded me of 2 Kings 6 about the fallen axe again. He showed me this first when a year ago. Recently when I was feeling so devasted, He reminded me the exact verse again. 'Pick it up! From where u dropped it!'. I know its by God's grace that I am able to pick up the axe again. He forgives a multitude of sins. So I must learn to forgive myself. I traded his love for something else. Well, at least I experienced a wonderful time with M even though its not of God's will.

Guess I must do myself a great favour to release forgiveness so that I will not be bound by resentment, unforgiveness and bitterness. I will bless both Terror and M as I release all my sorrows and hurts to God. I have reached a point where I cannot do anything but submit everything to God. I surrender......white flag.....I had my due punishment...been sick for so long...

What is the root cause? Is it related to Terror? Maybe..if its not for Terror, I would never have known M? Or it has to do with my own discipline issue? I know I failed the same test again.

Meanwhile, I need alot of character molding and 'suffering' from dying to self for christ. I know I cannot make it, but i will fight the good fight of FAITH thru christ who strengthen me.

Gerry: No more lawlessness and disobedience.

GOD'S PRESCRIPTION FOR A SOUND MIND!!

Teachings from Joyce Meyer: I will put it close to my heart and mind...I am fighting a spiritual war, and I know I will have the victories!

As you begin to claim your mind back from the enemy, he will not want to give up the place that he has had. You will have to do battle with his lies and confusion. Your first step is to declare out loud that you will not allow any outside force to do your thinking-no man and no spirit. There are spiritual laws that demons must obey. They cannot stay where a man wills them not to stay. Your power is in the Name of Jesus, the Blood of Jesus, and the Word of God. Ask God to give you discernment of the lies of the devil. Think about what you are thinking about. As you recognize a lie to your mind, always defend yourself out loud. That means speaking to Satan and the evil forces out loud, binding them in the Name of Jesus, and forbidding them to lie to you and to use your mind.

When you catch a lie to your mind, use this prescription regularly-and you will regain peace, your memory, restful nights, and the ability to concentrate and comprehend. You are in a battle-you are not alone-for all of God's people fight this same fight (Ephesians 6:12).

Make up your mind not to give up! According to Colossians 3:2, set your mind on things above and keep it set! As you begin this battle, it will seem worse than ever. The reason is that the demonic powers are fighting to keep their place in your mind (and in your thinking). Call upon God's grace in the Name of Jesus, and He will give you the power of the Holy Spirit to overcome every evil tendency fully. Remember, regaining your mind is a process. We all fail at one time or another.

God knows our weakness; that is why He gave us I John 1:9. Just ask for forgiveness and see the Blood of Jesus washing away your sin. Don't give up! Continue claiming what belongs to you (your mind and your thinking belong to you), and Jesus will help you overcome. II Timothy 1:7 says, "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind!"

GOD'S PRESCRIPTION FOR A SOUND MIND!!

When You Hear A Lie Going Through Your Mind, Say Out Loud:
II Corinthians 10:5 "Satan, you are a liar. I will not receive (or believe) your lie in the Name of Jesus."

I John 4:4 "I remind you that it is written, 'He that is within me is greater than he that is in the world.' I command you to bow your knee to the Name of Jesus and leave me." (Now you have pulled the lie out-just as you pull a weed out of the ground. An empty hole remains where the weed was, and you will need to fill the space you cast the lie out of with Scripture.)

Philippians 4:8 Begin to think on the Word or begin to sing a praise song to God. Make a conscious effort to fill your mind with good, pure, wholesome, and lovely thoughts.

A time to cool down

This is my name in arabic جيري . Looks like a bunch of tow gay... its amazing how difficult it may seems to write. But nothing is difficult for those with a willing heart to learn.... humm.. revelation? nah...

Anyway, I think I am not in a rite mood or mind to make any rational judgement. I wont be able to do or think about anything now. Maybe its a time just to relax, sit back and re-look abt the whole thingy. Hopefully things will cool off slowly? Will it ever be erased from my memory totally?? Manessah? Does it work at all? No it dosent! The memory will remains as long as you live.

What about the "Fairy Tale"? Why do I still struggle with a simple decision which was made earlier? I was so determined when I made the decision. But why have I been so indecisive recently? I cant bear to leave the past behind and move on? What are the things which I am unwilling to let go this time? The more I think, the more I want it back. But I know its not a rite choice but I seems to have lost the freedom of choice, either in the righteuous way or the worldly way, I cant seem to make a good decision out of it. SO I CHOOSE TO BACK OUT FROM EVERYTHING. Time out! Period!

Why is christian life so tough?! Why it always requires us to be molded and sacrifice something so dear to us? Yes I know by Faith God will restore 100 fold to us, but why God dun gives us something w lesser sufferings? Why must we always subject to trials, test and suffering before we have the victories? Does it mean we will cherish the victories more if we suffered more? Is this what life is suppose to be? If we dun suffered now and past the test, we will end up in hell. Why! WHY! Why we cannot have a simple life, enjoy in this life (which is a v short one) and then live happily in heaven?? WHY CANT IT BE IN THIS WAY ?! It doesnt mean that we dont love God if we cant give up something. Why we cant choose thing that we like? Everyone likes something. So where is our freedom of choice?

Totally Knock Out

Been down with flu, sore throat and cough since Monday. Since the last week of Feb, I have been not feeling well, started off with weeks of dizziness....

It seems that I myself also cant understand what I am going through...I felt I am totally not in control of my life and emotions anymore

Love - a committment thingy

Been listening to the song "Love will keep us alive" by the eagles. Seems like the world also know that when they are very down and discourage, only love will be able to keep them alive, else their life is meaningless with them struggling or moving on without any hope at all. In the world, many of us turned towards a wrong love, be it friendship love, intimate love, no one can satisfy their love appettite. NOTHING can compare to Jesus's and God's love. It is pure and full of goodness. The love of the world is full of lust and selfish desires.

LOVE! WHAT IS LOVE? It is a BIG FAT WORD. Many people said I love you this, I love you that. But how many people really meant and understand the committment involves with love? To most people, it is merely a lip service. Action speaks louder than words.

Never play with the "love" fire. You may start an innocent relationship with the intention of "Just for Leisure", "Its only a pass time", "Just temporary", "No committment thingy, only for fun". All these are from the father of all lies. Well at least for me, out of all the bad natures I possessed, finally I realised I have one good nature a.k.a naive and faithful, trusting people too easily. One love means one love, I cant double date. And when I love, I love only one. This makes me realised that I also cannot share! If only I can use my nature towards God's love to love him only and trusting him only...wow! I think I can be a nun liao.....

You may be surprise to realise the significance of harm done in the spiritual realm. You will end up with lots of messy issue to deal with. But not to worry, God will deal with it slowly, little by little..which is, u are still making progress..So never give up!!!