Gerry feels so touch!

I was very touched by my colleagues....and I am even more surprised that most of them cant bear to see me leave. Hummm....I never know that Gerry is so lovable le?? Guess its God's blessing! Actually I was surprised that I can survived so long working with all the men. Beside my lady big boss, I am the only rose among the "weeds". Life was rather boring at first with all the boring Engineers who know nothing but only work work work. Aha! Life is never the same again when 2 angels joined the Risk Management Section. Ever since they came, working hours became so much fun! Especially our "guy gazing project" in the cafeteria...heee! :D But we concluded that most of our office guys CANNOT MAKE IT and only 2-3 guys are shortlisted out of 1000+ staffs! :P haa....we criticise men as if we are damn gorgeous.....so silly n funny!

Mr Handsome shocked me by asking me to take back my resignation letter and stay on...I know I will missed them alot but too bad la...I really need to leave.........I will miss them so much! But hor, actually I will miss seeing our elected cute guys. :P...Aiya! I should have stayed on for the cuties. hummm..........Whenever feeling stressed, I should have just go to 3rd level and peeped at the cute hunk...haaa..(Please hor, not William "Hunk"......She bangs! She bangs!)

Oh no! I think I am getting more and more horizontally challenged. Have been eating non-stop this few days becoz of farewell lunches and dinners....Today had my farewell lunch with my bosses and all the mechanical guys. My boss even gave me a farewell gift...wow really surprise bec he is a man with FEW WORDS. It seems that when u resign, people seems to be nicer to u?? Or maybe they cant wait to see me leave.... :D (hee hee..)

After work, I went for another farewell dinner with a bunch of lovely ladies (my lunch was not even digested completely). The crabs were really delicious! The secretaries were cracking so many silly jokes and even planned to make fun of their bosses on April Fool Day! Haa sure it will be fun tmr....too bad Gerry cant be around to see all the fun! Probably I am being slaughtered in the operation theatre at that time.... :(

Ok Gerry...Good luck for ur Ops and Good nite...Cant drink after midnite, better sleep early.................snoring...........

Operation Day...:( Pain Pain

Sob Sob.............GOD! Gerry is going for another a day surgery tmr ! Scare scare! Please take away all the pain ...........:(

Love this song by Hillsong. Everytime I hear this song, I feel peace and hope I can be with Jesus till the end of the earth

STILL....a song by Hillsong.....

Hide me now under your wings
cover me, within your migthy hand

When the ocean rise and thunder roar,
I will soar with u above the storm
Father u r king over the flood
I will be still, know u r God

Find Rest my soul!In christ alone
Know his power, in quietness and trust!

Scary Earth Quake at Sumatra - Seng Kang Affected?!

Well everyone is talking about the Sumatra earth quake today. Few locations in Singapore were affected by it including Toa Payoh and Sengkang!?! Aiyooooo...I was already sleeping so sweet like a baby that night and I did not even know that there was an earth quake. Aiyoooo......If my flat collaspe during my sleep, I dont even know that I am dead! :P

I thank God I was asleep otherwise, I dont know how to react...to run for my life, to cry or to pray to God....hee..............Where to hide?

But poor Ah Kah experienced the earth quake twice....yet to hear from her personally the experience...should be very scary......

Happy lonely 11th anniversary..30 Mar 05

SIGH....Sigh....sigh........

Happy 11th anniversary! This is the most dreadful anniversary I ever had! Wow I have know him for 13 solid years now. We went thru thick and thin together for the past 10 years with loads of laugther, happiness, sadness as well as angry moments. It is really a pity to lost someone who shared so many common interests. We used to have so much fun together learning wind surfing, wake boarding, canoeing, diving, roller blading etc etc together! Its really a heartache to know that I lost a Wonderful Best Friend of 13 years!

Typing this alone at home sets me thinking back to alot of fond and bad memories. I don't even know why tears rolled down non-stop as I was typing and at the same time watching the movie "How to lose a guy in 10 days." and listening to our song "Now and Forever" by Richard Marx. I still can remember 10 years ago, a guy with funny ugly handwriting gave me this Richard Marx CD. A guy who is tone deaf and cant sing, learn a song just to sing and surprise me in the Karaoke in front of all my friends. "Now n Forever, I will be your man....." I thought that I was the happiest gal on earth at that moment. But it's true that all good things will not last forever....... even though the song is "Now n Forever ...I will be your man....."

Why am I still thinking about the past? Honestly, we used to love each other so much whole heartedly. He used to stand by me when "Useless" created so much chaos in the family. He is the only one who help me overcome alot of things in life. He used to be my very close best friend and boyfriend who gave me his 100% support. He took care of me when I was sick or cheer me up when I was down. He brought me to see little dogs at the Noah's Ark just to cheer me up as he knows that I LOVE dogs.........Why is it so that best friend would become so "sour" now? I know that I am not perfect.....Is there no other solution to salvage an unequally yoke relationship?

I learnt that being faithful to a man is not the key success to a relationship. My fren said that I am stupid to waste my time on only one man throughout the 10yrs ...but I think otherwise. What is so great about having so many different bfs who dont really love u at all??? At least I dont have any guilt towards him as I know that I am 100% faithful.....well ...at least when I was with him, I never ever date any other man. But I think I dont even know how to love a man though.......... :(

My fren used to lecture me for "ill-treating" him. I am really sorry for being such a jerk to him sometimes. Maybe I dont understand man and I dont know how to please them. Being a spoilt child, I wonder do I really love him or I am just having him as a companion? But I just know that when we decided to go our separate ways, my whole world collapse....Is this love? Or simply I cant get used to losing something used to have for 9-10years. Well.....I also dont know the answer. All I know is this pain is beyond description. I can no longer concentrate on my work which makes me decided to quit my job at the moment. I need to have a Good Rest! There goes my career as an Engineer and all my bonuses .......

I cant turn back the clock now, cant cry over spilt milk..... It was actually Easter 2005 that reminded me that our issue has been dragged for more than a year now....I am thankful that I am stronger now....otherwise, it may be sleepless nights with tears every night.

Lastly, I need to thank OnO. He had given me some wonderful times together while I was so sad and down. He is my "doctor" because he helped me forget Terror totally. I was really happy with him even though it was a very very short time together. But I know that I will never forget my OnO too and will treasure the memories of him....He makes me very happy I just dont know why..... :)

"Photocopy me...chic chic...." haaa

Wordless

Sorry Mr Blog....everytime I went beserk! Kee siao or crazy....I will type n type and complain to you non-stop. I apologised for all the harsh words used and thank you for your patience in hearing a GREATLY ANGERED GERRY complaining...non stop....

gerry listening to In Da Club, Where is the love and Yeah...now to cool down....meditate and reach enlightenment to be Gerry the nun....

Whats your problem n Where is your Bloody Manners?!

Arggghhhhhh....everytime talk to that Terror makes me boil in anger....why is there such a rude man on earth? Guess his parents need to teach him again what is mutual respect or manners...I wonder does he know how to spell courteous! Its damn childish not to regard each other as friends anymore. We are already adults, please la....dont behave like a unreasonable f***g baby! If u wanna play punk and KL, take note that I can better if I really want to! I would not even be bothered to call you if its not relating to the stupid keys. ID 10 T! I know its wrong to swear or curse...BUT I JUST CANT CONTROL MY ANGER WITH THIS BLOODY JERK!

Lord, please help me not to turn the anger into Hate....I dont wish to hate anyone..... I wan to live in peace......Holy spirit, cool me down please. I submit to you all my anger.......arrrrr..............so frustrated with this person. hold it hold it.....wrinkles coming out if i m angey...so better dont be angry...... : ) SMILE.....Gerry SMILE!

I really dont know how to please this man. I wan to salvage, he is not happy. I agree and gave in to him = he is also not happy! What does he want?! He want my life and my happiness?? Na na na na! U cant take away my happiness because my God has promised me happiness which the world can't give nor take away. And God will not forsake me in times of trouble! I am really hunger for the Holy Laughther again! It was so wonderful! So listen Terror! If u think I am happy and u r not, TOO BAD LO..unless u cry out to Jesus for help....he can help u...otherwise...Good luck! (Oh No! I sounded so devilish myself!)

If anyone extends their help to Terror when he is angry, he will pull out a dagger and stabbed that person to death! (Thats explains why he is nicknamed as Terror) He is behaving like a living Devil! I won't be surprise to find his photo in the news headlines with "An IT Engineer stabbed a Samaritan to death at a coffee shop......what a tragic!" Where is the love? - People killing, people dying, .....When u practice what u preach, would u turn the other cheek! Father father father help us, send some guidance from above, coz we got people tellin, tellin me, where is the love! Where is the love? Where is the love......black eyed peas

Peace! I wan to have peace! Stop bothering me with all your anger management problems. SAYONARA....BAGERO TERROR

What I Didn'T Know About Pain

happiness is all or nothing.

when you're there, you swear

you never knew any pain

and pain is all or nothing

when it's got you, you can't believe

you'll ever know joy again.

pain reaches the heart at the speed of sound

love teaches a lesson every time you fall

truth can take years to come around

but life doesn't wait for you to learn it all.

now i can say, "hey, i've been there.

"be sure i can say, "i've done that, too."

but i wonder if it's worth it

to learn so much so fast and then be through?

say it isn't so...tell me you didn't lie...

yes, i'm still gonna go...

there's nothing left to try.

i've survived because i've learned .

you showed me so much

i didn't know about pain.

Something to Ponder about

It's raining outside, but inside it's dry.
All because I've forgotten I've forgotten how to cry.
I've learned to be bitter
To hide behind a lie
I've become accustomed to my guilt;
My shroud that lies without.
Conscience shriveled and gaunt
Existing only to poison and defile.
Heart withered, dry, and tauntan overflowing cup of venomous bile.

This world has taught me wellto the full extent of self inflicted
Pain . . . tightening constricted.
So I live; no survive in my own veritable hell.
I've learned little of life and so much of death.
Living life denial by denial . . . lie by lie.
ointlessly trying to remember
what it is to cry.

Spotted by Church frens at Thumper! Oops!

I was caught by surprise when I was asked on Sunday..." U went to Thumper on Thursday?".....OH NO! I dont know what to answer! heee hheee abit pai seh too.......Actually more surprised that they also go clubbing :P I thought holy people don't go clubbing....Now I changed my opinion. Heee Maybe only people without self control dare not go disco because of fearing to sin and misbehaved :D (haa..... Lame excuses) Well... Gerry is already a good gal, I never smoke, dont get drunk anymore...so wats the fuss about going to have fun? I just wanna relax and enjoy....without immoral thoughts and actions of course!

I think I better open my eyes big big next time. I did not even notice that they were there as well....wow wouldnt it be fun if whole group go together next time...hee....Holy does not mean no disco at all (Yeah yeah.....Usher)

"Shake sh...sh....shake that ass gal" (by 50cents)

Buck Up Gerry! Resist the temptation of ONO!

Haizzz......dont know why i keep loosing my focus. I am soooo lazy .... Have not been worshipping God and praying consistently with zeal. I already know God is so real and his love n mercy is so good...But Why do I always lack of discipline and focus? I wonder if am to die now, will I get into heaven? Well I am not 100% sure yet...oops!

I was chatting with Wildcat n she keeps reminding me about OnO. Her actions, her words, her everything leads me back to the old memories of OnO......aiyooo! Why is there so much similarities in Wildcat to Terror and ONO? Why am I being attracted to become their friends? Maybe I can get along very well with character of such! I believe notti guys are always more attractive than nerdy ones.. :P (男人不坏，女人不爱! 哈哈！ 够‘见’ 吧！)

The sweetness of temptation is always here..but I know the temptation will lead to no good ending...So please hor...No more OnO, Susan or whatever....control fingers and mind. Else chop off ur fingers......

Easter Sunday! A day when Lucifer is defeated..

Hello Mr Blog...This morning our church held our Easter Service at the Singapore Indoor Stadium again. :) I realised I had been with GOD for a year now. I happened to take my first step towards God during Easter in 2004. I still remember I drove to SIS with Wildcat and Limewire and left SIS hastily after the service ended! Time really flies...its been a year now!

I simply must salute all the drama crew! They wrote the scripts so well and their acting were sooooo good! I really feel proud to be part of CHC as we all believe in delivering the BEST for GOD. Everything we do must be first class.....we are move from glory to glory and to more abundant!

I used to wonder why Lucifer wants our souls so much...why he bother to tempt us sinning against God every now and then. The drama makes me understand because God loves us so much, Lucifer wants to 'Challenge' God again by 'stealing' away our souls into the darkest pits of hell. But Hallelujah! Jesus had defeated death and gained all the victory on the cross at calvary! Thank you Jesus! U could have saved yourselves by coming down from the cross, yet u did not as u wanted to redeem us from our sins.......Sob Sob.....Thank you again Jesus for the cross and your love!

I believe and trust that all my darkest moment will be gone.... Jesus I submit to you all the 'things' that is limiting my spiritual growth. I wan to forget and live my life anew.............

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH................ (Gerry v excited!) Halfway typing I saw my Jay Chou on TV!!!! He is advertising for the new PANASONIC HP! He is stillllllll SOoooooooooooo CUTEEEEEEEEEE! :P (Aiyoooo auntie Gerry...wake up and grow up. :(

High Enough...Damn Yankees....

High Enough by Damn Yankees

I don't want to hear about it anymore,
It's a shame I've got to live without you anymore.
There's a fire in my heart,
A pounding in my brain,
it's driving me crazy.

We don't need to talk about it anymore.
Yesterday's just a memory;
can we close the door?
I just made one mistake,
I didn't know what to say when you called me baby.

Don't say goodnight,
Say you're gonna stay forever,
Oh, whoa, all the way.

Can you take me high enough
to fly me over yesterday?
Can you take me high enough?
It's never over and yesterday's just a memory,
Yesterday's just a memory.

And I don't want to live without you anymore.
Can't you see I'm in misery?
And you know for sure
I would live and die for you
And I'd know just what to do when you call me baby.

Don't say goodbye
Say you're gonna stay forever,
Oh, whoa, all the way.
Can you take me high enough
Can you fly me over yesterday?
Can you take me high enough?

It's never over and yesterday's just a memory.
I was running
I was running for the door
Realizing now or never
I was running back for more
Oo, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't say goodbye
Say you're gonna stay forever,
Oh, whoa, all the way, all the way,
Come all the way, yeah.

Dont ever play with Forbidden Fruit !

I am kinda sad for Wildcat for the sufferings she is encountering now. Sigh..........But we cant help her much.....just spend more time with her clubbing whenever she wants it. She keeps telling us she is alright. Although she puts on a "Happy Face" Mask, I know she felt very hurt, betrayed and a sense of hopelessness deep inside her. But Limewire and I will not talk about it as we dont want to dig onto her pain, we will just give her moral support! Its really a painful journey....I can understand it................Betrayal is the worst thingy to handle in a relationship. Now seeing my fren suffered bec of a third party sets me thinking about lots of things more seriously...the consequences...the hurts of a wife being betrayed by her hubby.... OOOPSS! guilty guilty guilty....tsk tsk tsk....

The forbidden fruit is scary...the 1st time u dare not try...the 2nd time, u hesitated. 3rd time, tasted a bit. 4th time, u had bigger bites. 4th time, u eat and finish it. 5th time, it becomes something legal to eat without feeling Guilty! 6th and so on, u begin to LOVE it! Completely insane, immoral and outta control ! sighh............. even though thats not the initial intention. Just like Adam and Eve, its not their intention to sin willfully, but eve was tempted by the serpent and Adam tempted by Eve.....(haa haa...is woman sooooo ma fan??)

Anyway, emotions are hard to control la....You may ended up falling in love without even realising it! So ..... better dont allow any little chance to start at all as it may gets outta control.

Morale of the story? Control and be smart gals.......Dont ever get involved with any married man. There will be retribution...how would u feel if that person is your husband?! Lets be wise in choosing who to love....cheers and toast to our Freedom and our akan datang Godly Man!

Roller Blading and Partying at Sentosa (Good Friday)

God is Good! I woke up at noon (after clubbing yesterday and slept only at 5am) and was just thinking about wat to do for the day in order to avoid doing the 'wrong things' again for being sooooo free and unoccupied.I have a craving for roller blading soooo much, thank God my fren called me up and jio me for solving that itchy leggy problem. :P

We reached ECP around 5pm and started blading again from Fort Road to the Hawker Centre and back to Fort road. My friend introduced a few new friends and some of them are from the Navy, so young and vibrant. Wished I am 10 years younger too and full of life! Its really a small world! Fancy meeting Raymond at ECP while I was blading....he was jogging and Wow! He jogged faster than me! Its time I learn to stabalise my stroke and increase my blading speed....need intense training! Ganbatte!!!!

After blading, we got the crazy idea to explore Sentosa. So we went there for dinner. Its really cool as we ate and enjoyed the sea view...Wow its a nice place, soooo romantic! Just found another nice hang out place for drinking too! We went to the "famous" haunted house but was too scared to get down the car..heee.....better be safe than sorry!

We drove further down and found that there is a Beach Party with LOUD music! Sounds like Zouk! OOOOHHHHHh The music was GOOD! Alot of bikinis too! hee hee hee...NICE TO SEE :P Alot of cute hunks and beautiful babes....The music is better than any other club! The place is just sooooooo wonderful! To dance beside the sea wearing casual clothes and everyone getting so high in the spirit......... :)

LOL "South Africa" Encounter at Thumper

Ooops I missed out the funniest part of the night....Hey I really believe this. Retribution????? Listen! Dont ever commit to hate anyone. It WILL turn our that the person u hate/dislike most, they will be the one who pester you and to be very attracted to you! :P hahahaahaaaa.....Well, one of my friends hated malaysians especially their accent, and she ended married a malaysian. (and the guy got heavy malaysian accent mandarin.:P)

Limewire HATES "blacks". Or to be more exact, she dislike whoever with dark skin (Cant stand her mentallity, Cant stand her racism...Should be like Gerry.....full of acceptance and love..whhhaaaaaa heeeeaaaaa......)

I nearly rolled onto the floor with laughther when one very BLACK person picks her up in Thumper! He is SSSOooo black, when he is staying there, we cant even see him! We can only see his eyes and teeth......LOL!!!!! I was laughing with Wildcat until we cant even stand straight! Aaaa Retribution?! Punishment?! heee watever!!! He was trying very hard to strike a conversation with us after my Limewire came back from the toilet. Ha...he is from Carribean USA, working as a director here and stay in Bukit Timah...Another Bt Timah fellow....Why we happened to always meet people living in Bt Timah recently?

Anyway...its a good laff for us ...serve her right for her racism....bleh.....Our body language really cast this poor fellow out. We dashed to the dance floor leaving him behind feeling stupid and embarassed? Haa.....Anyway we escaped him by sneaking out and dashed to the nearest cab...Phew...........!

Partying at Goodwood Park Hotel - Thumper

I have been looking forward to Good Friday since Feb 05. Its a meaningful day for us christians where our Darling from Heaven was cruxified and was raised from the dead on Easter day! I was reading the Heaven is so real book and the author wrote that Jesus showed himself to her and she saw that Jesus's hands and legs still have the scares from the nails at Calvary. It must be very very painful! Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice n your love for us!

On the eve of Good Friday, I went dinner with my colleagues (a bunch of lovely people) at My Secret Garden. It is a v nice place and nice ambience which played Jazz music. Quite a romantic place for chatting. We ordered a bottle of red wine and had so much fun 'gossiping'. hee...hee.....Haaa had a 'hard time' shaking them off so that i can meet my frens for Part 2 Disco time. Yeah yeah....

Finally managed to meet my frens at the China Jump. Aiyooooo......that place was damn boring! Already told my frens not to go there as my past 2 experiences proved it to be a total disaster hang out place! But they still insisted on this boring place...I will never step into that place anymore as its really a piece of shit. Maybe the ladies nite is better but other days, simply CANNOT MAKE IT! Its really a blessing that they agreed to proceed to another club. :D

We went to Goodwood Park Hotel, Thumper. Wow its a total different feeling! The place was so much better and fun! The first song I heard when I stepped in was one of my favourite "Yeah" song by Usher! Everyone was jeering and shouting along with the song...wow happening! There were lots of sports cars and luxury cars parked outside the club. The crowd was good, mostly executives with no Ah Bengs and Ah Lians....The only thing that impressed me was most of them have manhood :) . Unlike those young punks at Double O, no manhood, simply cannot make it. Wow even disco guys got manhood, come on man, church brothers...wat r u waiting for?! :P

Don't know why Wildcat n Limewire knows that I am still missing my One n Only. Can it be seen on my face???!!!!! Well, guess I cant hide anything from my best friends of 11 years. They know me too well. Anyway, both of them met him only once while we were clubbing and they still remember him??! Aiyoo... Limewire scolded me "Its Over Gerry!" Come on guys "Give me a break la, you should know my character and my nature le." Somehow I trusted my own judgement and I know they r v diff from any other guys. The others are HB but these 2 are not. I still trust Terror 100% for being faithful (even thought most of them said otherwise) and believe OnO meant what he said.Maybe this is considered as "living in denial". Anyway, its already over...I will remember these as interesting memories to spice up my 'worldly n boring' life. I had been living a boring life for 10 years! Now its over! No more boring life for me.

So guys....Dont worry about me! I know u r concern about me but I know what I am doing la. I won't run back to the 'old things' and turned into a pillar of salt. These thingy is longer a important part in my life. I just live to enjoy and see more miracles. I will reach enlightenment to be a NUN....:P (gerry cant stand properly from laughing....)

Gerry needs another Day Surgery!

SIGH..........! Today got a terrfying news after my follow up check up. I need to have another Day Surgery. :( Pain Pain la! But I know I will be fine bec I have Jesus with me.... :) Today lost another tube of blood for blood test.....sob sob......Guess age is catching up with me already, I badly need to over haul my body system.

Seems like I dont have any chance to go roller blading for the next few weeks. Past few weeks were so busy with church event, then now Day surgery on Friday....need to recuperate....aiyooo :(

I will be having my farewell dinner tmr at the Secret Garden. My colleagues wan to go clubbing after that, but I dont know why I am not so keen to go with them....Clubbing is no longer fun without my One n Only in my life. Oops! There I go again...

Anyway, feel kinda sad to leave a group of wonderful people in my company......a bunch of fun loving, crazy young fellows....hee that includes me of course!

I hate to meet Terror! But I have no choice

Sigh....today my mood is in green. I really don't like to meet Terror. But I have no choice bec we need to settle some many things.........That's it...I am looking forward for my new life in 2005! Hooooray! I'm FREE soon (Gerry jumping up n down........) Really thank God for making me a strong Gerry again. I used to be sooooo stupid and luckily I am still alive now to enjoy my life! :) Its true when the bible says Jesus leave his sheeps and went looking for one lost sheep....Hee...Jesus found a huge big fat sheep who needs an intense diet plan. :P

When I was inTown n walked pass that building, I remember and missed my One n Only as I was so near to his office....aiyoo...He really hurt me la. hummm....eeeeee! Everywhere I walk reminds me of this and that. I wonder how is he now...Should be very busy n happy I guess..................wish him all the best la.

Actually when I see Terror, I think he is really in deep agony inside. He has difficulties controlling his emotions and the only way he can "hide" is by being aggressive? Wow wow...since when have I become a phychatrist? His eyes were red when I signed on it. How touching! Chey! Crocodile tears? Isn't this what he wants? I am only fulfilling his desire...I will not behave like a bimbo who plead for another chance nor force him to do anything against his will! Well actually its kinda fortunate as I realised there is no more chemistry too! Cant imagine if I gonna be stuck with a brainless man!! Whatever....... I am much happier with God now.

To be honest, I am rather sad to see him like that. He changed alot! He becomes so detestable and irritating and he cant get along with everyone now as he became very bad tempered. He cant get along with his colleagues and bosses. What story! aiyooo...........He even scolded one of my security guard when he came to pick me up at work! What is he doing?! He dont care about his image anymore? I hate unreasonable guy without any BRAIN! Why is he behaving this way ?? I thought he should be damn happy getting what he wants and have been figthing for it for so long. Crazy man.....he is looking for self sufferings and yet he still complains to me he feels very miserable inside. Well I am not God, if u need a pressure release valve, I can introduce u to Jesus! Humk! God...please bless him and open his eyes to know the truth......Good luck!

(Gerry listening to 50cents new ablum...The Massacre....Disco Inferno!!! "Shake...Shake that ass gal !!!" haaa funny song....)

Learn to Admit n Submit to God!

I had a great revelation from Sy Rogers....Alot of christians had been struggling with their sexuality and human desires which many counsellors dont even how know to deal with it. When we received our Salvation, God will take away our sense of guilt but not our sense of shame. And we know that Shame is not from God. And we cant ask God to remove our desire for love etc as we are created in this manner. Hence we need to ask God to satisfy our "craving" by filling us up with his love etc....Everyone yearns for love...this is our nature as God created us this way....thus it is important that we need to get our love from the correct channel.

Sy also taught us not to keep any dark secrets with Mr Lucifer........never let those secrets rule over us.......the more it haunt and daunt upon us....WE MUST KNOW WHAT TO DO! Dont suppress it by our own strength...very soon we will be shipwrecked! Instead, Admit it and tell God and Submit it totally to God. Tell him about that and repent from it and ask God to break the power of that "unwanted" desires. Let God has Lordship over us. Focus upon the lord....It is a process of perseverence and endurance by God having Lordship over us....

We are all living in a broken and cursed world. A world that is full of sins, brokeness, shame and hatred. Why make a wrong choice and add unnecessary sufferings upon ourselves?

Abba Father, I dont wan just to know about You. I wan to experience more of You and build a close and strong relationship with You. Please grant me the desire to know you and love you more! Thank you father......

Terribly Tired after BBQ on 19 Mar 05

What a "powerful" sunday we had last Sunday. We all rushed to attend the 9am service. Then stayed back for the 11.30am service with Sy Rogers. After the Sy talk, we went to have our late lunch and after that rushed over to Pandan Valley for the evangelistic BBQ preparation. We need to meet friends at 4pm. The BBQ finally ends around 11pm with the grand finale of photo taking sessions with Ah Bengs and Monkeys.....We had such a wonderful time!

I really enjoyed listening to Sy Roger preached. His testimonies really reflects on God's grace to his children. God miraculously turned his Gay life around from homosexuality (spared from being "slaughtered" at the operation theater for a sex change) to a straight man now with a wonderful ministry now!

I am really dead tired now....but I insisted on writing to u Mr blog. I wan to record down my daily activites so that when Igrow older, I will be able to recall what i went throught when I m younger. I hope and pray that my Blog will have more and more good testimonies ~!!

Out! Ou! Out...No more OnO!!!

God...no matter how hard i tried, memories keep haunting me. Lord, please erase my memory. Its really a torture. ..............just like what I read from the book, Heaven is so real, Please put your hands onto my head and let me forget it once and for all. The more i wan to forget the more it daunt onto me.
*beat beat, Bakka Lucifer!*

Ok ok....OK! Stand fast on my conviction...STAND FAST GERRY....U r so heavy, cant u stand firm? :(

Its a TORTURE!!!! Stop thinking about it...

Oh no! I tried lying on the bed, but I still cant sleep and it is already 1.45am, still gotta work tmr! Its bad enough to have insomia and its even worst to let my mind wonder off thinking of something that I should not be thinking about anymore. I felt so useless and depressed. I already tried to focus, listen to All for Love over and over again(a lovely worship song) BUT I still cant get over it ?! Arrrrgghhhhh.......................! Need to let go my frustrations here again, Mr Blog. (Sorry)

I thought I have already straighthened out my thoughts and feelings about relationship! Why I am still missing him...:( Whats the point in pondering over something that has ended, GERRY! WAKE UP! GOD, Its not that I dont have faith or dont love you.....but I just dont know why I still miss him so much after all this while !!!!!!! I know it is impossible to continue but I cant stop my feelings for him!!! Oh no! Since when have I become so foolish to fall under the devil's spell ? He keeps saying " I am a Devil la!" yet why am I keeping him close to my heart !??! Why am I so emotional, naive, stupid?? I thought I am a very forgetful person and tends to forget alot of things? Why this time I cant even forget a devil ?!?

Oh no! Where is my Conscience?? Prayer? Focus? Shouldn't I feel guilty about it at all? GERRY! CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL ............. It was indeed foolish of me to start the love game. It is always easy to start but damn difficult to end it. Seems like my fren know me better than I know myself. She warned me several times, I cant afford to play the love game as she feels that I am not that kind of person ......true enuff....am sufferings now.

Oh..how many times have i broken your hearts
Still u forgive, If only I asked
How many times have u heard me pray
draw near to me!
Abba Father! Everything I need is you.

Please help to pull me out from this foolish circumstances. I thought I was already touched by God. Why am I still clinging onto it? :*( Sigh.......................................

Lets get it started...Black Eyed Peas

Today is the 3rd day of me recovering from the notti flu bug. So terrible, my phelgm still got traces of blood ....eeeekkkkkk yucks...... This sunday we still have a BBQ at Pandan Valley. :( We must attend this BBQ as it will be our last gathering together as a whole CG. So sad to part with the rest...Sigh....

Mr Blog, why is it so that when one is sick, u will think of alot of things? I miss my little Lucky and OnO?! I wonder how they are doing now. Its amazing but I still miss OnO alot. :( Everytime I listen to my favourite songs by 50 cents and Black Eyed peas, I will remember him n his perfume. Aiyoooo........I am controlling and praying very hard to break the bonding w him. How I wish that our human memory can be deleted easily like the computer. Just hit one button n out it go....yeahhhh.... However, life is always not so simple. U have to face all sorts of consequences. You reap what u sowed? At least I am glad I have pull through the most difficult moment in my life. (Have I really pull through yet, I wonder?)

Until now, I haven sign the papers. It was due before CNY until now. :P Well I cant be bothered about it anymore. How I wish I can turn back the clock to 10 yrs ago. I will not choose a man over God. What has darkness got to do with light? Thru this lesson, I learn that everything written in the bible is logical and practical. Never fall into an unequally yoke relationship. There is nothing everlasting from man. A vow can be broken or reverse so easily. However, God is always faithful and merciful. He accepted me as I am, loves me throughout all these years when I did not even seek him. Sorry Lord, I have broken your heart.

Today is another peaceful day until I had a heated "arguement" with one of my beloved brother at the end of the day. Actually feel kinda bad as this is the first time I ever insisted on my opinion with him. We are living in the 21st century, we have every right to know more friends of different gender! Aiyooo.....Probably, he has a point somehow as man think differently from ladies??? Whatever!

Where is the Love? In da Club? Go Go Go Its ur Birthday! :)

All I need is You! (Hillsong United)

Thank you Lord for the wonderful sleep I had yesterday. Its amazing how I can sleep from 8pm to 8am! oops...oink oink! Gerry turned into Miss Piggy after some dosage of medicine.

I really look forward to go back to the Lord where there will be eternal joy worshipping God. The world is only temporary. Please grant me the desire, discipline and obedient heart.

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord, is You Lord
All I need is You

Shall I still go to US???????????????????

Blue n Sick Monday

Hee..hee...I am on 2 days MC today and tmr as I am down with Fever due to virus . Hummm...People go healing crusade to get healed but I ended up sick..aiyooo....hee. I guess we worked too hard to queue under the hot sun, not enuff sleep since Friday.....(Brother Butter also took Urgent leave, Ah Kah also mc, Esther also voice changed!) But its worthwhile to soaked into God's presence over the weekend. I felt the urgency for me to buck up bec Jesus is coming back. We saw and expect for the great revival in Singapore..Even Benny Hinn was amazed how God is reviving asia! Haa... He is also going to "preach" in arabic soon and it will be shown all over the middle east via satelite broadcast! God is working so fast now making sure all human is given a chance to know Christ....We as the servants how can we loft around !

heee.....kind of irony, fell sick after attending the healing crusade! aiyoo......Went to the doc this morning, I could barely walk fast. Whole body ache like 100 yr old grandma......luckily Terror came to pick me up from the clinic and sent me home with our beloved blue Sunny. I missed the car and the comfort of driving to church and to the big event. :( Well at least he still bother and I thank God that we are still friends. Afterall he is a good man still....(well at least sometimes without manifesting...) I wonder when I will buy a car again.....hmm..........

I sleep like a pig in the afternoon after taking the medicine....so many missed callss............haa if there is any fire outbreak, I guess I also wont be able to wake up. I finally woke up around 4plus....

Ok need to go back to sleep, Mr Blog. The pills is taking effect on me again....oink oink

Amazing Weekend with Benny Hinn! (11-12 Mar 05)

Hallelujah! Its really a blessing to attend the 4pm conference with Benny Hinn. God is really amazing n wonderful! He wanted Benny Hinn to share with us about the Glory of God! Wow...then i learn n realised the great difference between the Presence of God and the Power of God. We gotta look upon the Glory of God as a person and not as something! When God's presence is there, God's glory, power, miracles etc will follow suit as it IS His nature. So we gotta seek after Him as a Person and not seeking for the miracles......Great Revelation!

I purposely took half day leave on Friday (11 Mar 05) to queue at the Indoor stadium for the crusade. As expected, when I reached there around 2pm, the queue was SSSSSSSSSSSSSssooooooooooooo long! They were from all over Asia (3000 Indonesians!), they were really hungry for God ! Sigh...some Singaporeans still take things for granted and missed out the Grace and Mercy of God. When we found ourselves seats at SIS, we were surrounded by irritating couples and people. Dont know why they came since they were only hungry for Chocolates, hot dogs and Huggss ......They were busy eating and showing affectionate to each other! They dont know wat is respect to God !?! This is not a weekend nite movie...come on! There were thousands of people hunger for God who cant get into SIS bec it was jammed pack ....Sigh..........

I was amazed at the power of God when Benny Hinn prayed for the Choir....the whole choir of 1000+ fell under God's power and most of them experienced the Holy laughther! I was yearning for it too and regretted so much that I never join the choir! I experienced the Holy laughther only twice (both occasions imparted by Pastor Derek) in CHC and it was sooo Good. I am determined to enjoy the Holy laughther during the next conference with Benny Hinn....I told God I want to experience God more and more ......... Its a wonderful feeling that no words or anything on earth can gives......

The next day (12 Mar 05), was very excited bec my brother brought his parents to attend the conference! God's presence was sooo thick that afternoon, alot of people were weeping during the worship. His parents responded to the salvation call! His Dad even experienced the power of God and fell! Chris and me also fell onto the chairs and we were soaked in God's holy laughther!!!!! Its amazing bec i dont know am I crying or laughing! But I know I lost my image bec I was laughing like xiao za bo. Cant control le heee heee ............... But I know for sure its a VERY NICE experience! Its really something sooooooo nice that you will want more n more n more! Thank You Lord for ur mercy and Love to us! God! I want more!!!! The World Cant Take Away the Joy that we Have! halleujah!

I am very glad that I made the choice to forsake the worldly things totally. I used to be so foolish to hang onto the world and God at the same time. Guess its true when the bible says we cant serve both God and the world at the same time. Either u r for Him or against Him. Its really a blessing to come back to God and be the chosen one... :)

Thank you Jesus....Sorry I broke your heart so many times by turning away......But I know u have forgiven me bec I asked and repented! (Hillsong United... All for Love Song)

All for Love (Hillsong Unite New Album - Look To You!)

I love this song alot....very touch by the chorus! Love u...Abba Father.............


All for Love – Hillsong United
(Lyrics uncompleted yet....)

All for love the Father gave
For only love can make a way
All for Love the Heaven cry
For love is cruxify

[Chorus]
Oh How many times have I broken Your heart
Still u forgive if only I ask
And how many times have u heard me pray
Draw near to me!

Everything I need is You
My beginning *love* forever
Everything I need is You

Let me sing all for love
I will join the angels’ song
Ever Holy is the Lord
King of Glory King of all

[Chorus]

All for love the Savior Pray
Abba Father have Your way
Thought they don’t know what they do
Let the cross draw men to You

Jude Law! Jude Law! CLOSER ! Muackkksss

Heee I simply love Jude Law so much after watching "Alfie" and "Closer". Some say that the shows were crap but I think its showing real life examples into movies....There are so much hurt, betrayal, audulteries and people sleeping around without commitments....Well this is the FACT OF LIFE la ....It was all shown in the movies......Yes...very worldly indeed.

At least Jude Law's show is better than the spanish show "Bad Education". Its more jiak lak, all about gays and the catholic church father "rape" a young boy. hee.....Lust, sex and nothing but lust......Oh no! Some more watched this with a brother...so embarassing!

So its concluded, the world is full of Jerks....oops..

Its the Final Countdown ! Be Obedient and Pure Hearted

Wow.....exactly 4 more weeks before my long vacation of REST............... Been looking forward for the US trip but my friends backed out last minute yesterday...then "useless" issue and now I dont know shall I still go..But its once in a life time opportunity for me to go enjoy without worrying about work being piled up. : ( Sometimes it seems like we can't get what we love to get, and we lost what we feel we loved. (Wah lau....sound so chim! What talking me?! )

My stupid computer is also giving me alot of problem nowadays! Aiyooo...........Guess I will torture it without letting it "sleep". Even a hardware is also giving me all this shit. Arggghhhhhhhhh..... I had a good chat with a friend yesterday. Althought at her age of 50plus, she still yearn to be loved sometimes by someone special even though she is a mother of 2 and a divorcee. Life is so irony, u dont treasure what u already have and you missed it so much when u lost it. Why is human so prone to loneliness and temptation? Last Sunday we had so much fun and laughther talking to some of the angels....it all started with the word "Lewdness". Some even had a misconception of the meaning of Fornication all this while. LOL...For the benefits of the lost, according to the dictionary, Lewdness = lustful and/or indecent act etc etc.....heee heee....Please hor.....Fornication is not fantasies ok...otherwise all human fornicated liao....lol.....well, its a good lesson learnt.

I had the same "burden" these few days....the word Obedient and Pure hearted keeps appearing to me. Guess I realise the whole thingy about christianity is nothing but just loving God, Be Obedient & Pure and Serve humbly! I was wondering why Rev Benny Hinn and Pastor Ulf Ekman can be so anoited with their spiritual gifts. The answer is very obvious...OBEDIENCE! Oh oh..... am I able to achieve that? : (

Why Am I a Cry Baby ?! Why is Life so Tough?!

Yeah....yeah....Your word is a light unto my path (Planet Shakers song)

Today I was so excited after praying, I called my mum & invite her for the Indoor Stadium Conference on sat...SIGH !!!! Who knows she told me another bad news about "Useless"....Dont know why I was so sad to hear wat happened to him. He was not home for more than a week now. Dont know why am I still so sad after hearing the news about him. At least I know he is under good care now. So why I worry? Could it be what all the people said, blood is thicker than water? Guess its a bondage that cant be broken.....(Family = Father And Mother I Love You) :(

Feeling very down by the news...feeling even more miserable now that I quit my job and I am unable to help in tough moment like this. I guess $ is still very important in our daily lives...Now when I need the $, I cant even have enough to help out! I am feeling damn lousy now and sobbing all the way....suddenly I realised that I have no other friends except Jesus who understands how I feel. Only Jesus will be by my side in times of trouble. I feel rotten as I let my mum down with my wayward life. Instead of loving myself and treasure myself more, I choose to be a rotten log.......................... :( (Gerry in depression again........)

I regretted what I did. I forsaked God for a wrong relationship and leading a sinful lifestyle. Guess nothing can erase all of those stupid things that I have done but to seek for God's forgiveness and repent from all the wrong doings. New Life, New Hope, New VISION! Just like Hillsong United's new album "Look to You"! God I am looking to you! Please erase my memories and give me a renew mind to "Look To You" whole heartedly! I dont want to be like Balaam, who insist on his own will.....All I need is You, Lord..................

Dont know why my life is sooo full of challenges. I wish I am back to my school days. Life is so joyful, no worries, so pure, everyone is not scheming.... At the 2nd half of my life, sufferings, misery and pain all came in together?! First, I lost both my grandmothers one year after another. Then Terror requested for Mr D. Then I thought of finding a new refudge in part-time fun, I end up opening my heart to someone whom I cant love. Then now "useless" is adding another chapter of misery to my family! I pray that we will be strong in moment like this! Guess its may be time for Gerry to move back home...Sob sob......I need to bring comfort to my mum?? Can I? I am going out from my own broken home to another broken home..... ;( sobbing.....

God, I do not see any plan in all these mess...But I know one thing.........Prayer and thanksgiving ! I will look and wait upon the Lord for miracles. I know when God interven, everything's gonna be alright. Thank you Lord ! Please bring comfort to my family lord................

Seems like US trip needs to be cancel?!!!!

Memories that Haunt me...The world is Full of Jerks! :P

Haa...Gerry listening to "Yeah" song by Usher!...nice le....really miss the times at B###....Like the music there le...although dont like the people there. : P I am looking forward for next friday where the whole village will go clubbing for celebration !!!

Finally able to take a little time off from the heavy laden work and loft here typing to Mr Blog .... Its been such a tiring day and just had "heated arguement" with one of the colleagues....I think my wrinkles are coming out more ...Cool down, cool down. Fortunately I have witness to proof that I am right... hee hee... Thank u Jesus.

Had a revelation on Sunday which shocked me! Aiyoooo christian lifestyle is really so "interesting" and requires alot of discipline and self control. Sob sob....I need to confess positively.. :(
I am not a perfect gal la.....aiyoo.....But I will continue to be good....sob sob.....Its been a month now since I went clubbing.(Well I ever promised someone I wont drink too much already......so I am honouring my word to him even though he is not a man of his word, or maybe, not a man of his words to me only.)

We reaped what we sowed....sigh...I will still think of Susan sometimes. Aiyooooo OUT !! OUT !!!OUT !!! God help me to forget la! All thanks to OnO....This is the first time I ever felt so being used and stupid! If he ever mean what he said, then wat happens now? All is Bull Shit ??! Humm.....The world is full of Jerks !?! : P

Oh My God! Is this how men handles things? Running away when they dont have the courage to make things clear...........Killljjjaaagggg

What have I done to deserve this...(Pet shop boys)

Well, at least I know I wont be affected by all this stupid relationship thingy anymore! Once bitten twice shy, baby!

My heart will be close and be a good gerry NUN ! (stupid Gerry)

Turning Point ! All Day, All Day now, All day!

Hallelujah...Today's service was very good. Pastor Kong prepared our church for Rev Benny Hinn's healing crusade next week at the Singapore Indoor Stadium. (Expensive sia....3 days cost S$ 1/2 million to rent the space! Phew!). I really pray that our church will be able to "rubbed n catch the healing anoiting and then be released into the field. I believe and trust that this year will be a year full of signs and wonders. I am very priviledge to be one of the chosen ones. I wait in expectations that there will be miraculous healing this weekend. Lame will walkk, blind shall see!

I was very fortunate to have a group of close brothers n sisters who prayed for me constantly when I was so wayward. I nearly forgotten how God healed me miraculously. In end 2004 even the doctor also cant promise me that it will be in "order" after the operation. But thank God everything is in "order" now! I know I am and will be healed when Pastor Chu laid hands on me.....Now is to maintain....... :)

As of today, I hope I will be able to focus and live my life as a 'pure n 0bedient' christian again...everything is in the past now. I will trust only God and look upon Him. Enough of my self-pity and sorry state. No one will pity or concern about me even if I continue to rot like a log. So Buck Up Gerry! Why worry?! For I know Jesus will take care of me in times of trouble.

Out out out ! ...... All the bad memories need to be OUT!

Hillsong United: (Gerry singing n dancing!)

ALL DAY
I dont care what they say abt me, its allright
I dont care what they think abt me, its allright, its alright !

I love u, I follow u
U r my, my life...

I will read my bible and pray !
I will follow u all day
All day, all day now, all day ...................

Finally watched Constantine!

Today I finally managed to watch Constantine after delaying it for so many times! Really enjoyed the show and the fellowship with 2 buddies...had a great time drinking chivas together after watching the movie. Hee..... our face turned red again of course! That's my trade mark! :P

I only had 2 hours of sleep on sat. I met up with some of my friends at 6th avenue near 7th eleven. I wonder why on earth am i there at 2am in the morning! Stay at my fren's house until 8am! Return home really shag but I cant sleep still.... Really crazy huh! Suppose to go blading but Aaron lost his contact lens due to his "butter fingers". So the intense fat reduction session was cancelled. hee....hee...

Wat a lazy sat i have, laze around at home, discuss with Vic about our US trip.....now only waiting for ticket confirmation n the rest to confirm. Yeah...finally can go US, hope i can visit Hawaii too!!! Really wanna stay away from SG. San Francisco...here I come! :)

Humm, dont know what is happening to me. I was afraid of praying? When has the prayer warrior Eunice becomes so "lau hong"? Am I guilty? Am I lazy? Has I really set my priority right ? Have I REALLY REPENT ??? Hope I will be convicted tmr....God pls i wanna feel ur presence again at the service...Holy spirit...help me please....

Its not easy to let go n forget! But I will DO IT !

Seems like its never easy to let go something which is so dear to ur heart. But I MUST forego bec its worthwhile for its my life ultimately. The world is full of temptation and it is temporary. Heaven is my ultimate home. I was awaken yesterday by Ah Kah. I was blinded by the devil whom has stealed away my revelation on this. Thank u Jesus !

ARRRRGGHHHHH.................Tempted very very much to tell her I MISS HER ALOT when i met her on the net, but I know I cant! Control & Focus Gerry! Dont know why she is in the clinic..hee..maybe its nothing major in health, only pimples problem o! :P (Cant let her know that I am concern about her still la.)

Roxette: It must have been love, but its over now la! (Is it love or loneliness??? Should be the latter....Stupid Gerry)

W255 Multiplying soon on 18 Mar 05

Wow 1 year past so fast, my dearest W255 family is finally multiplying soon. I get to know a few nice friends in the family, as what Cindy said, godly friendship is everlasting, so no need to be sad about the multiplication. I made a few close friends n hope the friendship will continue...Thank you Cindy, Ah Kah, Issac, Aaron etc. They nearly see me backslided, but i believe ur prayers worked !

Angel is raising up to be the new CGL. Very excited for her ... So wonderful to see how God can change a used to be quiet timid gal to be such a powerful potential CGL. Her first time preaching yesterday was powerful! One needle see blood (haa..aka sharp la). Poke me a few times with the examples. I like this one "Partying with Satan in hell? NO! Its burning in hell and he party" . It seems that u cant choose to be worldly and living away endangering yourself closer to the burning sulphur.

There n then, I made a decision to forsake all my worldly pleasures n hope to resume to my original "Pure & Obedient Gerry" (hee...of course leg still itchy la!)

Who do I Love? God? OnO? Terror? Susan? Whatever!

Yooohoooo...been listening to some songss....I never realised that those songs would fits perfectly for me. Some songs were so sad, some romantic, some crazy....whatever. I just wanna enjoy the songs and remember whoever i wan to recall. Arrrrggggghhhhhh.................When will I ever walk out this darkness and be happy again?! Is God the only answer? Why i can't be happy without God meh? Why am i fearing the gates to hell instead of fearing God? Why i have so many WHYSssss? I tried opening up to God again....but i guess the feeling is different now.....

Thinking so much about responsibilities....why terror is shedding his responsible on me? He has subsequently induce me to behave so immorally? Why is he so miserable too if he really did not care about me? Why a couple (who is still concern for each other alot) must worry so much about differences in opinion, instead of learning to forgive and forget and fall in love with each other again and again? Is marriage really something that can be taken granted for? Why until now I still cant forgive Terror? Why is he creating so much impact on me? Is he such a big part hidden in my heart? Is he still important to me? Or I am pretending that he is not important to me anymore? I have alot of things that i dont even know the answer.....

At least Susan has repented and return back to her sweet little chamber maids. Dont know why I felt happy for her. On the other hand, I feel miserable too....Why in the first place I open up my heart unknowingly to a person whom I cannot even live together?! I sincerely wish her all the best now....At least she still have a nice job, wont be lonely at home and her majesty can serve her well.

Unbreak My Heart - Toni Braxton

Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Come back and bring back my smile
Come and take these tears away

I need your arms to hold me now
The night are so unkind
Bring back those nights when
I held you beside me

Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my lifeUn-cry these tears
I cried so many nightsUn-break my heart My heart

Take back that sad word good-bye
Bring back the joy to my life
Don't leave me here with these tears
Come and kiss this pain away
I can't forget the day you left
Time is so unkind
And life is so cruel without you here beside me

Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my life
Un-cry these tearsI cried so many nights
Un-break my heart My heart

Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Bring back the nights when I held you beside me

Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my life

Un-cry this tears
I cried so many, many nights
Un-break my Un-break my heart oh baby
Come back and say you love me
Un-break my heart
Sweet darlin'Without you I just can't go on
Can't go on....

Open Arms - Jorney

Lying beside you
Here in the dark
Feeling your heartbeat
With mine
Softly you whisper
You're so sincere
How could our love
Be so blind
We sailed on together
We drifted apart
And here you are by my side

(Chorus)
So now I come to you
With open arms
Nothing to hide
Believe what I say
So here I am
With open arms
Hoping you'll see
What your love means to me
Open arms

Living without you
Living alone
This empty house seems so cold
Wanting to hold you
Wanting you near
How much I wanted you home
And now that you've come back
Turned night into day
I need you to stay

(Chorus)

Change of Mind Set

Good Morning Mr Blog! I decided to have a shift in my mindset. For the past few months, the first person i think of is Susan when I wake up and before I sleep. Well I guess I MUST throw away all the past and MOVE ON. She may not even think of me now. She is only adoring her Majesty and her chamber maids. ( :< I cant even compare to a chamber maid ?)

Relationship is not eveything in life....But everyone is yearning to be LOVE. So why not we focus on God as He is the only one that can LOVE us eternally. I was reading this book "Revelation of Hell", Jesus still loves us even when we end up in Hell, He is v sad but it was too late loh..... Well I pray that I will be wise and choose the correct path. I wan to fall in love with Jesus Over n Over again.....

Gerry singing:
"Take me Deeper...Deeper in love with u!
Jesus Hold me close in your embrace!
Take me deeper! Deeper than I ever been before,
I just wan to love u more n more, How I long to be deeper in love..............."

I am thinking, rather loving someone whom I cant love, why cant I shift my love and focus to God? GOD is Big, He is rich, He is Kind, He is compassionate......So who else can be the best lover ?! "Jesus! Lover of my soul............Jesus! I will never let u go.......I wan u, I need u......"

Who is the author of my life? God or me? Sometimes i wonder.....Pastor everytime says that our life dont belongs to us but to do God's work. Hummmmmmmmmmm..................Is this statement 100% true ? Sometimes really cant follow anything blindly. I am kinda pissed by the way they adore Sun. Why I cant say what i feel? If i tell them how i feel, they will think that I am having a deceiving spirit....COME ON! What the F*** is this? They keep telling me I have this and that evil spirits confusing me! I have a brain n I can think! Just like wat OnO says " Killllljjjjjjjaaaaaaaggggggg" (heee....shiok ar).

There are also some people who simply are so KPO (Busybody). They dont know what is the word called Compassionate. Instead of being sensitive to others' feeling, they are damn busybody... what difference does it make in finding out who the person is?!!!!!!!!! Worst, they use that to make a joke or tease me. Very funny izzit !!!!! If I have a deceiving spirit within me, what spirit they have? Busybodies spirit? Need any one to bind and cast it out ? I wonder...what reward they will have in heaven in making a joke out from someone else's misery ?! (I can hear someone complaining, dont wan people say, dont write la! So what ! I never ask u to see....I only venting out my thoughts cannot meh ?!) Oh God! Where is the LOVE n UNITY ?!

What is LOVE ??

Hee hee Gerry is Back again with her nonsense excuse to talk to Mr Blog and escape from her work (oops!). A close friend of mine came over and we spend a night together. Really appreciated her company sometimes after living alone for so many months.

Well, we discuss about marriage, life, work and practically about anything.What is my perception about marriage?! Humm.....I guess husband and wife should support and encourage each other, give each other freedom to go out with their own friends, understanding, patient, forgiving and most importantly a big TRUST. What is my greatest mistakes with Terror? Trusting him too much? Too possessive? or simply there is no more love? Who knows and I hack care now la..........(I missed them both now....memories....)
(What is love? Baby dont hurt me, dont hurt me, no more............gerry singing again)

Sometimes, when a wife stops nagging at u, Listen husband! Dont ever think that you finally obtain peace! Haaa...it may be a moment whereby she has becomes soooo numb and simply gave up any hope already. OR she has found another sweetheart! Hee....well a woman's thoughts is always deeper than any deepest ocean. The same goes with the husband. When husband suddenly gave u a present (when he seldom buys u any), is it a form of covering up his guilt of wrong doings ? Well, I m shocked to hear this from a guy friend. Maybe that is the answer why Terror bought me the Nokia 7610 even though we are separated. Well i choose to live in denial, believing and trusting him that he did not fool around until now. He was very good to me, we had alot of common interests. We used to canoe, dived, wakeboard, night cycling etc etc done so many activities together. I still remember our song "Now n Forever by Richard Marx" and Jacky Chan's Song "You are the best". He cant sing but he memorise those song and sing it to me....(Eeee he is really a lousy singer....out of tune...he is tone deaf...haaaa but i still enjoy his singing. Well I love to hear people sing. My heart will melt if a guy sing a love song to me with a guitar...haaaaaaa. Stop day dreamming la!) Those were the days when Gerry was so happy with only one man, one love and one heart....So pure at heart....We were very loving there and then, VERY VERY good friends. Too bad, our fate has ended.

Why is my life journey so full of complications now? Hummm....Or would I rather say I am very fortunate to meet Terror and OnO in my life? At least i know they dont sleep around like any other guys did and I choose to believe that they do love me before. I hate those who look around for One Night Stand....Dont they feel DIRTY at all?! My philoshopy currently is "Bu zai hu tian chan di jiu, chi zai hu chen jing yong you".(Just be happy with wat u once have or having, no need to possess it) Cheers and Toast !

Seeing my fren suffering now and yet unable to help her is so miserable. I begin to realise how they felt the other time when I totally gave up my life for Terror. They kept encouraging me, stood beside me etc etc. They keep telling me its not the end of the world. There are still many better guys around us blar blar blar....and i cant buck up. I am very bless bec I have God and God supernaturally intervened. Its God's love that moulded me to a new Gerry now. They keep saying that I am stronger now. But I am still very emotional.....I need to focus and be obedient to God. I only blame myself for being notti la.............Repent repent.......

I guess my fren also realised that to give up a marriage is not so simple after all. But as a fren i can only stand by her. The decision is between her and her hubby. But our ideal marriage life is never like that le.....sighh......Guess we cant be complacent in anything ....

Since relationship is soooooooo damn bloody 'fan', remain single is a better choice man!
Gerry's thought: Heart will be closed still for 2005..........Under repair and wind up the business. Need to cleanse out susan first. hee hee I wonder does she miss me at all......i guess not. : (

Can the Mr S.A. TAN LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!

I really dont know what Mr SA Tan is trying to do...If he want my soul, why bother la! I am just a nobody la! Everytime i made a decision to stay focus to God, he will send many weird people into my life to make me feel so confuse?!

Today i received a ridiculous sms from someone. I was shocked and never expected such sms ! hummmm wat nonsense is it ? Aiyoooooo what story is this? I thought I am a FUG......why so many "trouble" nowadays ?! Devil! Stop attacking my emotions la! Bind u in Jesus's Name! I had enough mess in my life now. I dont want to trade for any business already after Susan. LEAVE ME ALONE !

P.S: I still miss Susan........its only a decision to dump her off my memory...But i choose to cling onto it bec she is so sweet!

Birthday Celebration at Bugis !

Went dinner with my friends at Bugis. Kinda funny, while waiting for them, I went shopping at Seiyu. Met 2 familiar faces one after another! Wow why is the world so small ? The best part is "Hey! Where is ur husband?" KILLLLJJJAAAGGGG Why? See me must associate with him? I WANT A CLEAN BREAK MAN ! STOP REMINDING MEEEEE !

Very Discourage at work

Started off the day BAD after reading a e-mail from my vendor! Sometimes, it just does not do any good to be KIND to all! I have been so lenient with them despite their unsatifactory performance, trusting them to improve by giving them more time to clear up their own mess. In the end what do i get? Accusation from them and cc the email to my bosses! Dont they know I am sandwiched between my VP and Them? If they continue to perform so badly, my VP will force us to terminate their contract! Then what will happen to those who really need the $ to support their families?! Guess I am not suitable for this job anymore. What a relief that I will be outta here soon. Damn it, I had to serve 2 months resignation notice! What a stupid policy, Associate Engineer only need to serve 1 month notice, why Engineer has to serve 2 months? If I am really so important, why are they not hiring a replacement and end up splitting my work among 6 colleagues? Hey! Come to think of it, why are they not paying me more salary since my workload is so much that they need 6 people to handle. : (

What hurt most is the accusations made towards me from the vendor's sub-con. Guess I am so under stress and frustrated that I reply the e-mail harshly back too stating my stand and the FACT! Usually i will never to such e-mail. heehee....I dont know why I am so weak nowadays! I am no longer the strong and confident Gerry. I no longer can hold my tears at work. This is the 2nd time i cried at work. The first time I was hiding somewhere talking to Cindy about work and my VP saw me crying. Guess he just kept quiet abt it bec he will usually complain to me alot of things whenever he sees me. I think today some of them also saw it but pretend not to see. So I also pretend to continue working but actually venting out my sadness here in BLOG, which has become my best friend. He wont bug me but only listen to wat I type and store it in the net as a remembrance.

Gosh! What happen to me! Whenever I am down, the first person that I think of is Susan and wanting to hear her encouragement. But......she is busy and she cant listen to me anymore. Why am i not talking to God first when I am sad? Is my focus and priority right? What is the purpose of life? Need to be so full of ups and downs why still give birth to me la.......................AIYOOOOO ARRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!