A time to cool down

This is my name in arabic جيري . Looks like a bunch of tow gay... its amazing how difficult it may seems to write. But nothing is difficult for those with a willing heart to learn.... humm.. revelation? nah...

Anyway, I think I am not in a rite mood or mind to make any rational judgement. I wont be able to do or think about anything now. Maybe its a time just to relax, sit back and re-look abt the whole thingy. Hopefully things will cool off slowly? Will it ever be erased from my memory totally?? Manessah? Does it work at all? No it dosent! The memory will remains as long as you live.

What about the "Fairy Tale"? Why do I still struggle with a simple decision which was made earlier? I was so determined when I made the decision. But why have I been so indecisive recently? I cant bear to leave the past behind and move on? What are the things which I am unwilling to let go this time? The more I think, the more I want it back. But I know its not a rite choice but I seems to have lost the freedom of choice, either in the righteuous way or the worldly way, I cant seem to make a good decision out of it. SO I CHOOSE TO BACK OUT FROM EVERYTHING. Time out! Period!

Why is christian life so tough?! Why it always requires us to be molded and sacrifice something so dear to us? Yes I know by Faith God will restore 100 fold to us, but why God dun gives us something w lesser sufferings? Why must we always subject to trials, test and suffering before we have the victories? Does it mean we will cherish the victories more if we suffered more? Is this what life is suppose to be? If we dun suffered now and past the test, we will end up in hell. Why! WHY! Why we cannot have a simple life, enjoy in this life (which is a v short one) and then live happily in heaven?? WHY CANT IT BE IN THIS WAY ?! It doesnt mean that we dont love God if we cant give up something. Why we cant choose thing that we like? Everyone likes something. So where is our freedom of choice?