How to get rid of 'manipulating' request ?? Violence with vulgarity? LOL

Went for my medical check up last week, results of scanning was absolutely nothing 'wrong' but will need to take medication and monitor for a week. I hope I dont end up being a Sarah in the 21st century! :D Went to help out in BOJ on Friday and had some 'outreach' felloweship with some friends eating sinful food late ard 10pm at Old Airport Road. Soooo MALU! 5 of us (all ladies) ordered so much food that the guys from the opposite table was laughing at us..... :S Well the food was just so tempting as everything was sooooo delicious!

Last week CG was indeed soooo interesting and challenging! :P I received a call around 12plus noon regarding bringing forward the CG meeting time to 3pm at my place instead of 6pm. Stressed!!! I was still doing my housework and I need to inform all of them of the last minute changes! whhaaa....."Lucikly" I did most of my housework that morning after taking one week 'vacation leave' as a house maid. Hee......Actually I was very glad and proud of all of us as we were all so united and flexible to any last minute changes! haaa All of us deserved a nice beary hugs and a pat on the shoulder! Cheers! No one complained (well, at least I did not hear anyone complained) except the one who declared himself as mentally "unsound victim"! Wow ....Pengzzz unsound mind also know how to complain...chay! I hope I don't end up slapping him one day for being a 'Arse...H... (Oops no no no, ok ok ok.........) "JERK" ..... :S OH NOOO!!!!!! Increase my capacity to love please................SOS...................

This week was indeed a 'tiring' week for me :( Although I may not be working, but I am fully packed this week! But some people just need to learn how to be wise and sensitive to others' feeling before asking stupid things...... Why some people wanna have their own conveniences at the expense of the other person's inconvenience??? I dont mind to sacrifice if there is great urgency. BUT BEHOLD! If I never asked, I may even end up jeopardising all my scheduled planned and end up doing something which is damn not important at all! Why wanna 'trouble' others when it can be done on a saturday when there is no work?? I just dont understand and I also dont like the feeling of rejecting others request as well. BUT at the same time, I hate being "manipulated"........

Gerry's 'tails' was stepped on again when asked to do something again for her while I was already very pek cek at the hospital for wasting time waiting and waiting bec a stupid junior stuff made a mistake in the queue numbers! I had to asked her why people behind us was seeing the doc first! Some more, grandpa was behaving like Man Hunt, wanting to take out his clothes to show off his sexy skinny body! Whhaaaa..haaa......Its rather funny to see him behave like a little child...I wonder will I become like that too when I grow old. :P

Pissed Gerry.....(Putting on my devil horns again.... :S) I was frustrated as I dont even have time of my own for job seeking when I felt such great urgency as the building fund is coming soon and also anxious for my grandpa's salvation........then the unsensitive came again ...Think I damn free ar! Go F***g get it yourself la. Haaa this is a line taken from one of my 'wise' brother........... He said this one will Surely not have anymore silly request and I will sure kana counselling too! LOL

Oh God...please sanctify my mouth..... :S

Beware of 'Butterfly Effect" if Turn back the clock

Gee....Gee......Wildcat is always such a smart cat....I told her I want to Turn Back the Clock..The first thing she mentioned was Beware of the "Butterfly Effect" just like in the movie! LOL..............True...U cant change watever it was destined or happened.....The more u wanna change it to the better, the worst the situation becomes.

Actually even if I really want to turn back the clock...to which part of my life? Back to Secondary school or Poly days? Back to University days? Which part of it I missed most or rather which part of my life that I would like to erased? Hummm I dont know..Poly days was where I met Terror and enjoyed all the water sports and all the clubbings. Uni days was "sufferings' from all those assignments and dissertation but it was where I met a few good friends as we 'suffered' together. Secondary was where I first come to know about Jesus as I was in a methodist school. So where do I wanna change? Maybe its my attitude that requires change??? There were moments whereby I enjoyed myself soooo much that I would never wana forget even though some was rather short. But I would still treasured it in heart.... Who cares and who bothers as long as you are happy? Bible never says to be happy is WRONG!

DONT COME AND CHANGE ME WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING WHAT I WENT THROUGH!!!!!!!!!!!! WHATEVER I DO, I WILL NEVER BE 'GOOD' ACCORDING TO YOUR STANDARD! I AM JUST A 'CANNOT MAKE IT' GAL IN A CANNOT MAKE IT GROUP ANYWAY.

In conclusion, probably I would still live my life as it it except that I would never start dating Terror when I was 19. Probably I would enjoy life to the fullest with all my wonderful 'WORLDLY' friends that I have made.........................Anyway, You have no rights u to tell me to cut off my friends whom I have know for more than 10 yrs! And u barely even know me.... Did u help me when I was in total despair? NO! Did u talk to me when I was totally confuse in a worldly mess? NO!

Oh GOD! Why is the devil rising inside me! I really need to vent it out!

Turn Back the Clock...Will I be Happier???

Johnny Hates Jazz sings :

Another day is ended
And i still can't sleep
Remembering my yesterdays
I begin to weep

If i could have it over
Live my life again'
I wouldn't change a single day

(chorus)
I wish that i could turn back the clock
Bring the wheels of time to a stop
Back to the days when life was so much better

Lying here in silence
Picture in my hand
Of a boy i still resemble
But i no longer understand

And as the tears run freely
How i realise they were the best years of my life

(chorus)
You might say it's just A case of giving up No
But without these memories where is the love
Where is the love

If i could have it over
Live my life again
I wouldn't change a single day

(chorus)
Why can't i turn back the clock
Bring the wheels of time to a stop
Back to the days
Oh no no
I remember when
Life was so good
I'd go back if i could
Oh oh i wouldn't change a single day
Don't let the memories slip away
I wouldn't change a single day
Don't let the memories slip away

Disco Dolly felt so discouraged !...Sigh.............

Jesus, only you will know my heart....although I must admit that I am not a perfect child of God and I may not have given you my 100% love YET, but u know how trueful is my heart to u now.

WON'T YOU LORD TAKE A LOOK AT MY HANDS
EVERYTHING I HAVE USE IT FOR YOUR PLAN
WON'T YOU LORD TAKE A LOOK AT MY HEARTS
MOULD IT, REFINE IT, AS YOU SET ME APART,
I WANT TO RUN TO THE ALTAR AND CATCH THE FIRE,
TO STAND IN THE GAP BETWEEN THE LIVING AND THE DEAD
GIVE ME A HEART OF COMPASSION
FOR A WORLD WITHOUT VISION
I WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE BRINGING HOPE...TO OUR LAND

Lord, You know that I really repented and I thank God for Your grace. But since God had readily accepted me again and given me grace, why others keep habouring thoughts about my past which God has already erased from his record???? So the statement of "U cant shit and eat at the same place." applies even at church!! Those who made the same mistakes are well taken care of because they did not made that bloody same mistakes at the same church! But does that means they are spiritually doing 'better'????? How can a Godly person be so superficial in making such a judgement?? I thought they have the discerning spirit and a heart after God? Jesus, U know very well what I am feeling right now, dont u?......" You mean everthing to me....Your name reigns in my heart...You're all that I depend on........." (Gerry singing Thank You song) Jesus, only u can give me strength dealing with this disappointment now......

I believe in your word written in the Bible that u are a GOD who does not show FAVOURITISM! Its true sometimes, we faced disappointment in our lives, even from the family-in-christ, but I dont hold it against anyone as we are not perfect after all....and I know that I cant let any such thingy affects my spiritual walk with God! Its too worthless to get my soul thrown into the lake of fire for such stupid disappointment. I realised the thought of leaving God seems almost impossible now. I know I love Jesus even though I may not be a sanctify christian or even an unworthy child of God.

Lord, here is my heart and my life, u can see it, dont u? I am sure when others cant see it, u are the only person who sees it so much clearer than anyone else..............U perfectly know how much I have changed for u. You know how much I love u. You know how much I hunger for u. You know and you know how much u mean to me. You know about my everything and even the deep desire to be know u more and be spiritually mature! Lord, U know I am NOT trying to 'wayang' to others about the things that I am seeking from U.....but sometimes, the wrong impressions others perceived really DOES AFFECT ME ALOT!!!!!!!!!!! No wonder OnO was so stirred up and disappointed after reading that email from his secretary......

Lord, U r the only person that I am left with now and You are the person who can fill up the gap and heal all my disappointment. Lord, pls fill it up right now and never allow such seeds to grow..Let the good seeds grow instead! Thank You Jesus!

Disco Dolly Feeling abit SHITTY today!

Yeah..today is our combine CG day at my brotha's house....This morning I just got a nick name from him as Disco Dolly......it sounded fun and nice to me, so i decided to sign off with that in his birthday card lo :D We also celebrated his birthday..ahemmm....How old har????? Luckily when we added up the age of 3 person, it still does not hit 100 yrs! whhaaa..........

"Disco Dolly" indeed. I thought it sounded fun mah....never thought I will kana from this nick name -_- Felt rather shitty... How can ME, an old hag, compared to a YOUNG n INNOCENT 13 YR OLD who has never been to clubbing at all! Of course she will be more obedient than me la...... She is not exposed to these environment, of course she will not have an 'attachment' to it lo.............How can u change a person overnite? I used to go clubbing every weekend during my poly days. So this time round, I am considered 'well behaved' la .....sob sob.........Its the same as smokers who just cant quit smoking overnite rite? SIGH.....WHY NEED TO CHANGE ME LA! CANT I GOT MY OWN HOBBIES ???? Is it biase or concern?? Will clubbing really affect my spiritually walk so badly????

Oh no! Why am i not guarding my heart of not being submissive to authority? I can feel my rebellious nature coming out soon bec I does not have any conviction yet! SIGHHHHH..............JIAKK LAKKKKK...AIYOOOOOOOOOO

Nah nah nah nah..Don't Phunk with my heart! (Black Eyed Peas)

Hee hee..the title is one of the hop hop, Lolly pop song that i am listening to now. Yeah its a brand new from Black Eyed Peas....Hey mama! Turn me on! Turn me on!....Whhaaa I am crazy citing all the songs title I am listening to recently. I dont know why i just like these type of music leh.....Hey mama! Come on now! Mama! :D 50cent is singing "Shake shake ....that arse gal....Disco Inferno..." (Never know i can have my mini clubbing paradise at home with my lolly pop music, Vodka and Corona!) and Mariah Carey is saying "I like that cyo!" LOL....

Today is the first friday (after a few weeks of unsanctify lifestyle??) that Gerry the saint is staying at home on a FRIDAY NITE! :(((( Brotha Butter called me to check DID I GO CLUBBING SECRETLY OR NOT !!!!!!!!!! Pengzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.............Maybe I should put laxatin in his mee hoon tmr for spot checking me :D (the devil inside Gerry is rising ......whhaaaa)

Today I spent a fruitful time with a few of my NUS ex-colleagues at MacRitchie Reservoir for trekking to the Tree Top Bridge. Its my first time there and I am amazed that I were able to complete thThe the moste 11km trekking in about 3.5hrs....Yeah...of course when I came back home, my right leg suffered bad muscle cramp :s Guess age is indeed catching up.........During the journey, I saw a few interesting thingy like squirrels, tortisque, four legged snake and of course the 100+ yrs old 'unknown' grave since Qing Dynasty which had been featured on TV before. Haa....can this will be one of my monthly event with them???

Today I recieved a call from brotha Tan. They are planning for a diving trip in July! Wow this is our long awaited dive trip which is not to be missed! I hope everything will proceed as planned.....anyway my last dive was in Oct 04 liao...so its time to go again...but! WHERE IS MY DIVE LOG??!!! Cant remember where i keep ....hummmm.....But is the water in Tioman clear?? ALAMAK...building fund in July too! AIYOOOOOOOOOOOOO...........I NEED FINANCIAL BREAKTHRU!!!!

A bit Pissed.....Superficial or Superstar? :P

Again...these busybodies wont let me off.....Everytime tried to dig out information about us. Why there are such superficial 'friends'! Yeah...they still consider themselves as our friends after doing such terrible things to the 3 of us...... Thank God 3 of us 'stick' together closer like sisters...and they must be damn disappointed to hear that we still contact each other and have fun together! Guess we are TRUE FRIENDS!

What do they know about friendship if they are so superficial and wicked in their thoughts, words n selfish thoughts? Anyway.....thats the past....Since they are dying to know the updates about me and Terror, so be it.......

God won't Challenge u, If u r not READY~~

Yesterday was a special day because it was one of my good brotha's birthday! He went on a shopping spree at Topshop just like a jailbird that was lock in cage for a looonnnggg time since he had been lock at home studying so hard for his exams. Then went for a nice Japanese meal....so paiseh...I hope will be able to bless him back soon. :( Hummm today I miraculously bumped into 2 pals whom I have not seen for some time. One of my ex-colleague at Lane Crawford (haa we used to club at Buzz long time again. The pub had already closed down.) and Turkey on the MRT. Hummm I never bother to say hi to them.....Singapore is really too small. Better behave well, else dont know wat will happen if I ever bump into someone.......Now I dare not go to RP for gym or my lawyer's office anymore. In fact, I dont even want to step into any place near CBD bec I dont know how will I react if I ever saw OnO again. Will he bother to say Hi or behave as if we are total stranger? In either case, I know I will not feel good about it. In fact, I still want to keep him as a normal friend.....but I think he does not even want to maintain it that way.... Gerry wondering....

I really wonder how will I react if I ever see terror on the street with a new gf in his arms. Can I pretend not to see him or can I pretend to be happy for him since he has found someone who he feels is better than me? I know I dont wanna be bother about him anymore, but will I feel awkward at all? I still remember my brotha showed me a song by Toni Braxton "He wasn't man enough for me." whhaaa haaaa LOL...........Anyway....who cares about him anymore, anyway......

After finished makan the wonderful sashimi, we went to a friend's shop at Tanglin Mall. Had a great time of fellowshipping and praying. Actually hor dont know why I felt so pressurised that my prayer buddy is my leader...:P Aiyoooo kan jeong man! But thank God all went well except me a little blockages halfway :P . hee hee the presence of God was all around us and I believe God knows and understand what we prayed as it came out from our hearts.

After praying, we met up another doggie fan and 4 of us had a wonderful fellowship sharing our experiences and discussion about godly things at Scotts. We were all edified and encouraged by each other's testimonies....haaa haa Brix is just nearby...... :O No No No No........ ok! Young men really see visions and old man dream dreams??? Haaa Seems like I belong to the middle group bec I see vision and dream dreams.....Really had revelation upon revelation about what is the bottom line of our faith and walk with Christ?? It only bolted down with these 2 basic principles "TRUST N OBEY" .... Seek Ye first the kingdom of God and ALL things shall be ADDED upon u! I really pray and wait upon the Lord for the great encounter doggie fan had after he chose to be obedient to God. God is really good to give both of us such 'scary' dreams that awaken our spirit man, removed the deception plot of the devil which made us decided to re-dedicate our life back to Jesus. Jesus is SERIOUS in his WORD about forsaking his 99 sheeps and go searching for his one and only lost sheep. He is really a great shepard!

I felt really blessed that blockages were broken......Do I mean it when I say "Jesus, I Love You! Jesus I give u all" in those worship songs that I sang?! I cant even lead a sanctify lifestyle and obey what He challenged me to forsake?? Although to others its a very simple thing to do, but to me, this is something like a sacrifice because it matters alot to me. At the end of the day, love surpasses all things and I will give it up. Indeed, I realised I can no longer get any satisfaction from clubbing. I found a better treasure......... and the treasure is God, the Father, The Son and the HOLY SPIRIT! AMEN !!!

Why I can't forget MG? Gerry sobbing secretly again! Hainzz

God, no matter how hard I tried, why can't I just forget MG? I don't want to be a bad gal. I know I am not perfect and I know it is WRONG and IMPOSSIBLE...But WHY am I still struggling with this emotional thingy these few days ?! I thought I have already put this behind but why do I suddenly remember MG and miss him so badly again?! Is every effort made in forgetting him to be in vain???? It is already 5 months now and I still miss him so much! Its a feeling which I myself dont even understand! I thought I had already submitted it to You on the alter.....sob sob sob...............

Is this statement from Wildcat true? "The best ones are those whom you cannot get.... And the good ones are taken......" But I know I dont want to be affected by such a worldly statement. I just trust that God is preparing someone for me......

Thank God, I suddenly remember the vision while sobbing.....the mountains, streams and sun. I achieved nothing at my age now, no family, no career, nothing! Everything seems to be start from scatch again for me. But I know it is a brand new GOOD Start! .........Just like Christ died for us and it starts to change the life of everyone whom believes in him!

Lord, I will continue to trust in your leading and stop wavering. I will trust u like the children of Israel and I know I will reach my promised land! I will meditate on Ps 23!
Pls strengthen me ...I dont want to be a 'flat' christian. I bind the spirit of distraction.....always toying with my emotions. Out Out Out! I will not bow down to it. I will be a strong woman, full of faith and totally dependent on God!

Thank you Jesus! Be Strong Gerry! Ganbatte ne!

Does that marks the END of everything?!?

I would never want to receive any watch as a present in future, especially from my bf or hubby, if I am destine to even have one next time. Terror bought me a Titus watch using his first pay many many years ago. That watch was a hit with this slogon "不在乎天长久，只在乎曾经拥有!". English translation? "U dont mind whether is it a everlasting love, as long as you once possessed it." Hummmmmmmmmm.............. And this slogon came to past. Is it a curse ...whhhaaa :P

After I came back from Genting, one of my favourite Esprit watch also 'died' eventually. Yeah...this is also a gift from Terror. How come everything connected with Terror seems to be screwed up! Why everything that reminds me about him screwed up? Cant I even have a little memory about him???? Just like in the movie Titanic, after Rose was saved, she made a remark "I did not even had a picture of him!". These words touched my heart many years ago. I symphatised her, Isn't it sad that u dont even have anything to remind u of the person u loved?? U are left with only vade memories........

BUT! Life is never sad n stagnant all the time! Haha....for example, I used to hate Hip Hop music so much when I was with Terror. I hate Missy Eliot and all the Yo Yo song....but now I CHANGED. I LOVE HIP HOP n Lolly POP! :D (hee hee....yeah....Gerry is lame again...) I love all the Yo yo yo song and I LOVE Missy Eliot, Nelly, 50cents, black eyed peas, kelis, The game etc etc! I simply cant stop listening to them and groove to the rythum...Maybe thats why I like Brix n New Asia Bar so much....I hate RETRO! Cant stand those songs, they never get tired playing the same old song since 1980s until now. Come On!!! We r already in the 21st centuries la........change change change, Pop Pop Pop, Hop Hop Hop! Gerry singing :"Change me! I dont wanna be the same, I dont wanna feel the weight of this world...Change me! So I'll never be the same! Lord I wanna see the things that u see ...."

Finally I had the chance to listen to the song "Without Love". Frankly speaking, the singing is not fantastic as the vocal was mainly computer adjusted effect. :P However, I must agree that it has a very nice and well mixed dance music by Tony Moran as i was listeninf to the remix version. Anyway, the rythum is quite nice, all thanks to the nicely mixed music!

Clubbing Ministry ??? My market place?? LOL

Yeah...its TGIF today again! So nowadays it seems that my Friday Getaway is at New Asia...oops....I dont know wat happened today...the nite started with alot of masale but then suddenly the crowd become more n more black :P As usual, my beloved friend who is always a racist put on a sulking face especially when she was surrounded with loads of them. There is one toad, dont know why keep tailing us around. When we change place to dance, he followed us until my friend got so fed up. Hee hee......I think maybe he was born in the wrong colour...else if he is bleach...I think my friend will be above the cloud ....(not even cloud nine).... yeah...Although she is my close friend, I never agree with her racism behaviour. I always reprimand her on this issue...but she will never change.....sigh.........My dearest friend forsake us quietly and left earlier !!! ...lol...she rather leave than stay behind with them invading the dance floor..Gosh! :S

That toad was really persistent n he smiled so widely at me..(Aiyooo...I cant even see his face, only can see his teeth...:P) Seeing his perseverance the whole nite, I finally smile back at him since Wildcat was sooo 'busy' entertaining her air steward :P ............. Wah lau....The toad action so fast one. Only smile nia he already introduce himself liao! I broke my principles of no entertaining strangers In Da Club. I wonder is it true that he really owns a travel agency at such a young age. I should have told him I own a petshop or better still, a coffin shop.....LOL........Anyway, U dont expect these clubbers to be 100%truthful rite....However, I felt flattered 2 'blind' men guess that I am 25! Or probably they were lying too...but its a great white lie though.....Therefore, it shall be my age there n then....whhhaaaaaaa......After chatting with Toad, I was surprised that we attended the same church! :S Aiyyyooooo........the world is soooo small....his whole family is in the same church. What a small world....but he backslided...hummmm..............

Ha ha...I have a lame idea! haaa.... Maybe I can start a clubbing ministry at my "market place". I can lay hands on them and bring them back to church bec it seems like I still need to "work" even when I am In Da Club...hee hee.....Silly Gerry.....The Club is my MARKET PLACE......Whahahahaaa! Wat a good excuse to go clubbing....

I know God always protect me la. ...Its kinda cool to remain protected n safe. So its proven I dont need Terror to protect me now which he used to do that everytime we went clubbing.... :) I wan to depend more on God ...... Oh GOD! Although I say I dont want any more chinese man, but please dont send the black black one le.......Dont know why nowadays ao many black black things surrounding me....scared scared...I know Lucky is black n I love him...but he is my dearest doggie la........Please prepare my CORRECT Godly man so that when we meet, haaaa it will be so supernaturally romantic incident with electric feeling from the crown of my head to the sole of my feet...whaaaa AM I DRUNK??? How can i get drunk from drinking BEER :(

Trust da Lord in ALL things, Everything!

Love is blind, but Marriage is an Eye Opener (just like a can opener) LOL...wat a nice revelation from Uncle Vinc....Alot of people seem to tell to us about the 'agony' of marriage. It seems that marriage is something where people, who are single, look forward to, but something dreadful to people who are married.

I really like to praise n worship with Uncle Vinc as he can really draw down the presence of God which is so precious...Prayer meeting yesterday was awesome....everyone was anoited with oil. I like the 'hood' the debt n the lack part....I know something is broken..heee .....I like the 5Ws:

1. Word
2. Walk
3. Worship
4. Work
5. Worth

I saw a vision of 2 mountains with a stream in between it. The stream seems to be v long and I dont know where it ends. But there is a bright sun at one end of it. What is the interpretation of this vision? heee..... I will keep it to my heart...just trust and follow the light although u dont know the stream will lead to where...just like the children of Israel.

Room in ur heart - Living in a Box

Room In Your Heart - Living In A Box

It's dark and cold tonight

I'm walking all alone

And one step at a time I'm getting closer

I know she's hard to find

Instinctively I try,

To take the path of love into the night

There would be no reason if you really didn't care

There would be no reason for love

The door is open wide is anybody there?

I know this must be the room in your heart

I really don't know why but it's so easy to breathe

I know this must be the room in your heart

No answers question me

No one's been here before

I'm the first to see the light at your door

If I could hold you now I would not disagree

With these four walls you're protecting me

There would be no reason if you really didn't care

There would be no reason for love

The door is open wide, is anybody there?

I know this must be the room in your heart

I really don't know why but it's so easy to breathe

I know this must be the room in your heart

I can feel it, I can feel it

I can feel the love that's surrounding me coming out of you

I can feel it

The door is open wide, is anybody there?

I know this must be the room in your heart

I really don't know why but it's so easy to breathe

I know this must be the room in your heart

I know this must be, I know this must be

Is anybody there

The door is open wide, is anybody there?

I know this must be the room in your heart

I really don't know why but it's so easy to breathe

I know this must be the room in your heart

Room in your heart.....brings back memories

Dont know whether is it conincident or somebody is trying to 'tickle' on my 'wound'. I heard this very old song "Room in your Heart" by Living in a box while I was in the cab on my way to that lonely house. After the song ended, the driver change to another radio station and it was playing the same song again! This song brought me back alot of memories aboutTerror and our younger days....sigh....I am still thinking about him after all. Luckily the song was finally over otherwise, I am sure tears will rolled down again....I have been a cry baby after that incident....why am I so weak after all ??? I feel like running and hide under Jesus's arm....that is the safest place I could ever think of now. I thought I am ok already. Why do I suddenly feel emotional again???

Probably I received a call from a common friend of Terror & me today. She already knew wat happened to us as Terror told her that we can no longer go out in a big group like those days now. I felt a bit 'uncomfortable' in hearing that. It seems that as we grow older, friends really gets lesser and lesser. AND I SUFFER A GREAT LOST :A VERY CLOSE FRIEND AND A GOOD LOVER. Really thank God I still have my godly family and a bunch of lovely brothers and sisters. Thank God also I still have 2 close friends who stand with me thru thick n thin.....U really know who is your TRUE friends or acquantance in crisis. The latter always comes to you like KPO, damn F%*#(%^ busybodies, who only wan to add salt to your wounds......

Anyway, I know I will be alright. Tmr we r having combine prayer meeting with Uncle Vin's CG. So I guess I should be ok. Who knows its a spiritual warfare again and Mr Lucifer is 'disturbing' my emotions again a day prior to an important prayer meeting for lost soul...I will focus and not be distracted! Lets keep my finger crossed :)

What is happening to me ! :S :( Buck up dear !

I dont know what is happening to me these few days. I dont seem to be satisfy from anything. I tried praying, worshipping but something seems to be amiss ~! WHAT IS WRONG>>>>>>> Am I hungering more of God's presence or am I missing out something ????? I really dont know but I dont seem to have the answer yet and I dont seem to be SATISFIED !!!! Or is it something to do with my delay in responding to God's qn?

Oh no! Suddenly I remember Delaying is also a sin! But I keep thinking that I am not ready to give it up and I dont wan to say "Yes" to God and Ended up I cant keep to my word. Today as I was worshipping God, I heard the Holy Spirit saying "If You are not ready, God will not challenge you to give it up!" Aiyoooo....................Wat story is this....Is all this my hallucination or Is God dealing with me now with my not so ' sanctified' lifestyle? Sigh......

Is this the reason why I am not having peace in my heart??

My Ex colleague sms to me this morning, Siam Supper Club is having promotion this sat with free entry and unlimited drinks for Lady's Card holder. Wow ... seem like the more u stuggle with that thing, the same monster will come and daunt upon u........ :( Noo Noo Noo Nooooo

Am I ready to be a Conversionist??

Last Sunday, we had a guest song leader from Hillsong Australia....Rueben Morgan. His praise n worship was so special...I love his powerful voice. I wonder will I ever had such a good vocal in singing... I love singing since i was a little kid, could this be one of my gift ? kekek :P I remember OnO also loves to sing so much.... :)

Pastor has been stressing on venturing out into the market place the past 3weeks. I like the way he preached with authority yesterday...."Get out of the way!" We want to be influential and be on par with the society so that we can impact the nations. If we behave 'lao tu', how can we catch up with the society??! We r a convertionist! We need to lead a good example as salt n light of the world so that Christ can shine thru us and penetrate into the market place and bring revival at the market place. We can convert anywhere we go as long as we r faithful in the little things, God will honour it and bring forth promotion n revival.... In my carnal mind, I used to wonder can I ever do anything great? The vision I had far surpass my capability.....but I have been seeing this vision very frequently recently...almost everyday I will see this vision. What does it mean? Am I that person in the vision? Can I bring that vision to pass? With my own strength it seems almost impossible...but I know God always had a greater calling for us.... FAITH.......I know God is reminding me abt this vision. If I can see it, I can receive it. Its a matter of time only..................

God spoke to me in CG last saturday. I heard him asking me "R u willing to give up your worldy fun for Me?" I knew I dissapointed God bec I dare not answer him immediately. Until now I still have not response to this qn. Bec I am still clinging onto the fun which I am unwilling to let go completely. I thought as long as I behave, wats wrong with clubbing and I love the crowd so much in New Asia?! On Sunday morning, I was reading the bible on my way to church. It seems that every passage was 'flashing' in red as a "warning" to me....and God reminded me the Cat incident in Genting. There are only 2 choices, to keep going forward towards a New Life or going backward towards a Life of Destruction. The cat chose to run back towards where it came from and the car ran over it NOT ONCE but TWICE. Wat a terriblly WRONG decision made. I also recalled wat my holy guardian told me abt avoiding to sin wilfully since God has given me a brand new start of life. Jesus did something great for the world at the age of 30. But wat did i achieve in life so far? NOTHING!!!! I knew I had to make a decision now which will impact my remaining years...........

I have come to a point where I am afraid to live my life without God. I know I need the Holy Spirit everyday and I cant afford to lose the anoiting again. But I am also hoping to be AB AB and enjoy clubbing at the same time. (Its only clubbing!!!! But I know I wont be able to keep a PURE mind in the club...) I just pray that I will have the discipline and courage to make the decision n tell God with great confidence "Yes! I am ready to give up for u Lord!" But I dare not tell God now bec i know I am not ready and I dont want to take my word to God so lightly........... I will keep on praying for strength against my weakness and willingness to forsake all things and follow Jesus whole heartedly, to overcome the temptation. I hope I will pass this stage....I know I will reach another level of breakthru if I have make the decision ................

God, u know my heart. U know my weakness n strength. Pls give me the wisdom n transform my weakness into strength so that I can fulfil the purpose U have planted in my life. Watch over me Lord, so that I will not waver and prepare my heart to love You only. Give me new revelation daily and let me focus unto U. Only U can fill up the void in my life and I will depend on u daily on everything. Lord, I pray I will do only things that is pleasing to u....pls mould me to be a better person. Help me to forget the past n focus on u from today onwards. Thank U Lord. In Jesus name I pray....AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great breakaway from 28 may ~ 3 Jun

Had been longing for an overseas trip for so long ever but it always never come to past, so finally I gave up the idea and went to Genting with who? My mum, brother and uncle of course...ya....the crowd sounds so boring and not happening! LOL.....Never even had the chance to visit the Twin Tower (which the link bridge was built by my ex company), KL Tower, Times Square and all the big shopping centres....sob sob....its always like that if u went to visit relatives... :( I should have abandon them and took the train n shop till I drop!

We took a 26 seater bus to KL on 28 May at 9pm and reached KL around 3am. KL is an eating paradise with so much nice food everywhere if u like cantonese food! We ate supper at Chi Chiong Kai once we reached there waiting for our relative to pick us up in his Vitara....Humm life in KL now is so much better than Singapore. Our relatives seems so rich and prosperous....each family had at least 2 cars......A lexus, volvo, vitara and 2 more smaller cars....their mom is smart to married a rich man son! :P Who cares whether u r the 2nd wife as long as u r well provided for. (Oops! :X But I will never wan to be number 2, I prefer to have a one n only man who loves me whole heartedly......How can we share husband?! Humk !! ) Seeing my auntie at her old age n husband is not staying w her, she must be feeling v lonely n sad? Fortunately, her children is fillial....) So thats why we got the book "Rich Dad, Poor Dad?" Its either to find a rich husband or to be born into a rich family (Hee hee Lame joke) Their dad is so rich that he need to carry a gun with him when he is younger and owns a bullet proof window mercedes to protect himself against robbery.....seems like being too rich is also not a good idea in Malaysia. :D

We spent our sunday at KL and set off to Genting on Monday.....Genting changed alot. The road is very safe now. I remember when I went there at least 20 years ago, the road was so dangerous. It seems like the car will either roll down the hill or smash into the on coming vehicle if u made a slight mistake. All thanks to the civil engineers! :) It took only 45 mins to reach the hill peak and the whole journey took only 1.5 hrs from their house. The weather was wonderful! It was sooo cold and foggy that we cant even see the car in front of us...yeah....a bit dangerous, but it was quite a nice experience! I love the cold weather...and mist coming out from my mouth when we talk....FUN! It was like smoking~~~ Haa haa ..........in future if I have no $ to visit cold countries, Genting will be a good alternative.....with so much fun rides besides Casino!

I wonder why so many people likes gambling? There was this man who place a bet of $10k ringgit and he lost everthing in less than a min! Then he place another of $10k rinngit! My heart nearly stopped when I see the banker "sup ka liao" all the $........ He lost a totol of S$10k in less than 5 mins!!!! If I have S$10k I can tour Europe for 1 month! Stupid man la..... I wonder will he give his wife so much $ too ..... :P The saddest things i saw in Genting was a small black cat being ran over by a car twice! (front and rear wheels) Me and some teenagers saw the incident and we were screaming.....AHHHHHHHHH>>>>>>> when the car did not manage to stop for the cat. The poor cat still could ran after being ran over and hid in the drain. I wonder how is it now? Maybe thats why they say cats have 9 lifes each....I hope the cat is ok...but i think it must be seriously injured...Poor little kitty....... :(

Everytime when I go overseas, I will never forget to get my youngest brother some gifts. I bought Lucky a new collar, but the collar is too big! I really hate myself, I never get the right size for him. Its always either too big or too small ...... luckily he still has some decent dog food to eat..... :P My brother also loves him so much to buy him some nice Japanese made dog food! :P He really is leading a good life ....................