Lesson Learnt - a very hard way

Too many thingy happened recently. Is it purely based on the principle of reaping and sowing. I need to thank God that He is teaching me so many things within one month. But is my conviction genuine, or I am clinging onto my worldly enjoyment?

Some people just cannot apprehend teachings from the bible. God need to put us into practical test and real life training so that we learn them thru the hard way. Stupid fools rite!?! There are already real life examples in the bible, why I choose to learn it from the hard way myself ??

1. Never pin all your trust and hope on man. They are bound to fail you. Only Jesus will stick closely to you in times of trouble. Your closest friend can also be your enemy too.

2. Never go against God's will, you never win! If He had already warned you not to look to the left nor right, LISTEN and OBEY!

3. Blessing and cursing placed before you. Choose, but make sure u make the right choice. Never compromise even if it is sooooo tempting and beautifully presented.

4. Focus on the things that are eternal. Worldly things are temporal...it will lead you to no where but only destruction.

5. A wrong decison robs away your joy, peace and hope. This is the sacrifice you paid in xchange for something not of God. Be it a thing, a relationship etc. If it is not from God, it never will be the best for you...

Dizzi, Giddi = My best FRIEND

I have been feeling damn giddy for the past 2 weeks! I am determine to fight against it today for my healing !!!!

Get LOST ! Bloody Dizzy Giddy :(

Depression or Suppression

ALAMAK !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Depression thingy!

I wish I can be like wildcat! She handles thingy so well...when that things happened, she believe she will live better than before, found a greaaat job and off she go to Dubai. Why I am not as strong as her? I seem to be outta control of every f***g situation! There are too may predator on earth and there are people who are damn f***g stupid to be a prey and get slaughtered.

Guess different people handles things differently bah.....aiyoo... For me, I choose to run away from reality? Sleep, munch, starve, watch TV, dun sleep, stay in seclude or invisible realm...these are a few ways to release my 'stress' or torture camp???

Is a new season of my life to move on... Once bitten twice shy! but it may be Twice bitten, never SHY! AIYOOO~~~~ Stupid GAL

Because of you.....To my Beloved Baby

Emotional Wreckage...NOT Again!

I am unaware that I am under tremendous mental n physical stress all this while until the doctor said so.

Why God has to close all the doors to my beloved dreamss again! I suffered enuff before, thought I can enjoy for a while now, But.....I wrack everything with my own hands again.....I tried to end something by my own strength and everything seems to be outta my control now!?! I realised I never had the desire to end it at all! I am extremely sad with what happens. But it seems that He meant it well for my own good bec I think too much! I cannot stop thinking bec I am a person who looks upon a future! And I know there is no future involved, there will only be more sadness in time to come.

However, I still treasured every word being said. Even though I know there are certain truth among the lies....Be it long or short term, GOD CLOSED IT! It was scary..There was a period of time, I even asked God to leave me alone! Let me do my own things. Why interfere??? Until I spoke w someone today....the moment I hear her voice, my big fat tears rolled down my cheeks. I

I am fighting against God and I know I can never win..........

First Guitar Lesson

Monday I had my guitar lesson with baby and another choir lady living a few blocks away from me. We had the guitar lesson at Z's house. First time go to his house without him ard, feels kinda weird though....

We started off learning the chord and strumming away. Then I practice with U.R.Y song. It was very nice. Need more practice though...It has always been my desire to be able to worship God with my own guitar. Really thank God nothing is impossible for those who believe and pray...I learnt my guitar thru prayer and of course, practice....

Everything ended well with my fingers extremely painful as I was playing with the acoustic guitar. I have another dream, that is to be able to play the MORE THAN WORDS song! I hope I can find the cords and start learning.....I believe if a guy play this song to any gals, their hearts will melt like ice-cream......

Tormenting Nitezz

Whats wrong w me? I have not been sleeping well and I even had a bad dream coupled with non-stop dizziness!

DON'T LOVE YOU NO MORE (I'M SORRY) CRAIG DAVID

DON'T LOVE YOU NO MORE (I'M SORRY)

(VERSE 1)
For all the years that I've known you baby
I can't figure out the reason why lately you've been acting so cold
(didn't you say)
If there's a problem we should work it out
so why you giving me the cold shoulder now
like you don't even wanna talk to me girl
(tell me)
ok I know I was late again
I made you mad and then it's throwing the pan
but why are you making this drag on so long
(i wanna know)
I'm sick and tired of this silly games
(silly games)
don't figure that I'm the only one here to blame
it's not me here who's been going round slamming doors
That's when you turned and said to me
I don't care babe who's right or wrong
I just don't love you no more.

(CHORUS)
Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
feeling like a fool cause I let you down
now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

(VERSE 2)
I know that I made a few mistakes
but never thought that things would turn out this way
cause I'm missing something now that your gone
(I see it all so clearly)
Me at the door with you inner state
(inner state)
giving my reasons but as you look away
I can see a tear roll down your face
That's when you turned and said to me
I don't care babe who's right or wrong
I just don't love you no more.

(CHORUS)
Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
feeling like a fool cause I let you down
now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

(BRIDGE)
Don't say those words it's so hard
they turn my whole world upside down
girl you caught me completely off guard
on the night you said to me
I just don't love you more.

(CHORUS 2X)
Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
feeling like a fool cause I let you down
now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

Because of You, Baby M

Because of You - Kelly Clarkson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
It felt so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing!

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life
because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

Valentine's Day Encounter at Shaw Tower

Dun know what kinda encounter is this! Why does God allowed it to happened? Why must it happened on Valentine's day and not any other day... Maybe I am already ready to meet and face the music? Or God wan me to deal with my hidden feelings which I myself didnt even know ??

I am amazed at my own courage to approach him and say HI! I thot I can never face it if I ever saw him with a gal. Guess its just a piece of cake! I can even ask the classic question...I love to see the 'shock' on his face...Never know we have been avoiding each other so hard and ended up working so close to each other.... Somethings are just too hard to cut away completely I guess.

Everytime when something baddie is happening to me, I always have a plan B which diverts my attention...Is the plan Good or Bad? Good in a sense it camouflage the pain, bad bec it affected my whole being......

Good things NEVER LAST ???

I realised I have found the best thingy in my life. I lost it once, I found it back..........but I lost it again........Why do I feel so down? Extremely sad, no word can describe how I feel now...

Just take care...Ganbatte !

Baby Boom Year - Happy or Sad ? Confuse too

Why are all my friends around me giving birth??? My sis-in-law who just gave birth to my little lovely nephew, Lynn, Pat, Yushan (2nd baby), Lilian (pregnant w the 2nd kids now) etc etc. I thk the list better stops....I have enough of baby boom invitations :P Not enuff hands to carry all the lovely babies....

Guess the baby boom is a clear sign to me that now is the age to give birth...Went to see the doc on wednesday...Stupid doc! I told him my issue and he was chasing me to get pregnant now or never..He is more anxious than me. Told me I am already so old ..Cannot wait anymore....TIME TO MAKE BABIES! :( yeah! My foot....make babies with a monkey.....

Actually was quite sad to hear one of my university fren given birth to a child with a married man....and she is not even married to him...How can such thingy happened? I mean where is the precaution :P haaa stupid Gerry! SHUT UP! Why is that man without any sense of responsibility?? Anyway...it takes 2 hands to clap, isnt it? Is it a lesson to be learnt for us? I really thank God I m free from all the burden though.......I still wanna enjoy my freedom ... my freedom is my everything...until the day I met a man who is worthy of my love to start a family...Till then, I will still be a BFU SPINSTER bah....

Trust & Betrayal - A thin line

A fren of mine has warned me abt me trusting people easily. Well I guess I am also naive and innoceny in my own way.

Just hope I can hang on n do wat is right. Many things made me feel that is there anyone that i can trust at all? Whom can I trust but only God who is the real faithful and truthful fren.

Best I Ever Had - Gary Allen

So you sailed away into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay, love can be so boring
And nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now.

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had.

So you stole my world, now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl leaves me down and loney
Well send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better.

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You dont want me back
You're just the best I ever had.

And it might take some time to patch me up inside
but I cant take it so I, I run away and hide
And I might find in time that you were always right
You're always right.

So you sailed away into a grey sky morning
Now, I'm here to stay, love can be so boring
Was it what you wanted?
Could it be I'm haunted?

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You dont want me back
You're just the best I ever had.

You're just the best I ever had

Lou Hei lunch at Jumbo Riverside point

Finally we have our company lunch today....this is the most 'educated' meal I have ever seen. Haa eating crab w plastic gloves. haaaaaaaaa

Orchard is closed for Chingay today and tmr, which caused a massive road disruption. Hope it end soon too.

How come today I dont have any inspiration to write my diary? Hianz...

02 Feb - Anniversary of DEATH (TOMB)

Marriage = a pathway to hell or tomb?? LOL

I totally forgotten that today 02 Feb was a day where my life biggest mistake was made on that little hill...Only until late night while chatting with baby on the phone then I realised that today is 2 Feb...wow...time flies so fast! It was 4 years back liao........No wonder subconciously I was rather restless the whole day. Simply no mood to work.

Actually I must thank jerky, else my life would still be damn boring. I will not get to know so many friends and crazy baby. Its been really enjoyable and I got more freedom except that I sacrificed my career as an "la-sap" Engineer. Met a ex-colleague on my way back home.....DARN!!! They had 5 months bonus ! SHIT !! I should not have made that rash decision...All thanks to that jerk again...He made me lost alot of "assests".

I was being very down the whole day today without knowing why...Is it subconciously mourning for my mistakes made OR am I simply bothered by something else? Thank God its FRIDAY!

I wan a REST FROM ALL THINGS...I WANA BREAK FREE....

The world is CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CRAZY by Simple Plan


Tell me what’s wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see
Young girls dying to be on TV
Won’t stop till they’ve reached their dreams

Diet pills, surgery
Photo shop pictures in magazines
Telling them how they should be
It doesn’t make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy
Is anybody gonna save me
Can anybody tell me what’s going on
Tell me what’s going on
If you open your eyes
You’ll see that something is wrong

I guess things aren’t how they used to be
There’s no more normal families
Parents act like enemies
Making kids feel like it’s World War 3

No one cares, no one’s there
I guess we’re all just too damn busy
And money’s our first priority
It doesn’t make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy
Is anybody gonna save me
Can anybody tell me what’s going on
Tell me what’s going on
If you open your eyes
You’ll see that something is wrong

Is everybody going crazy
Is everybody going crazy

Tell me what’s wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see
Rich guys driving big SUV’s
When kids are starving in the streets

No one cares
No one likes to share

Cheat, Steal n Destroy........

Wondering what is life all about? Are we really so precious to Mr SA Tan that he has to cheat, steal n destroy us ? Actually we are Princess and Princes...God's children...isnt he suppose not to mess with us ?!

Really F^%#(. I mess up big time....