Materialistic or ????

I am facing the same thingy again. It has not been dealt with after 1 year of cooling off. It re-surface again...exactly the same scenario. I seem to be rather foolish to some people. But...but ... but........................I think its no harm at all? Am I living in denial? Will it turn out to be bad or better ??

Well, guess I wont have my level of breathru until I pass this test. If i cant sacrifice the little things for God, how can I accomplish a greater thing since I am rebellious and unwilling to let go? OH GOD! ITS PAINFUL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My flesh is really weak...I m groaning and moaning....when can i break FREE? Do i rely on God to achieve the things that I like or I wanna base on my flesh to achieve it? Well.....the choice is obvious isnt it. One is by flesh n immediate, the other is by faith and a long process.....

Oh God, help me outta it. Let me be willing, close all doors pls.