Am I a Self-Torturer ?

Sigh...I dun know is it the fear of God or I wanna torture myself. I turned down the red wine date with someone whom I have been trying very hard to forget.....

Never know its such a hurting feeling to LET GO.......is this SACRIFICE or KIA SI? Now I understand why there is a saying "The things are more precious when u cant get it." Yeah, I know I am a emotional freak again......."something" is clever to stir up my emotions all over again. But why I cant even end the year well and start well?
I failed in 2004, I dont wanna fail in 2005 and start koyak in 2006! God where is my strength...the "something" is so clever to send someone I like alot....but I read in the bible that as long as I cry out to you for strength, u will see me thru.....LORD SAVE ME>>>>> My heart is aching again for choosing not to see him.....God give me strength to be firm in my decision!

Lot's wife, I am not...........Pillar of salt, I dont want...............