2006 LUNAR New Year! A NEW START????

This year is the first new year that we started CNY relative visitation since we stopped 2 years back ever since the death of my grandparents. within 2 years I lost all my 3 grandparents.....Kinda miss them. We went to visit PO PO and Gong Gong at the columbarium. I am rather surprise to see so many people there paying respect to their love ones...Its rather sad to see some died at such a young age, even younger than I am. Yet I am wasting my life away now ... hummm...

The past is gone, now we live a new life. But why everytime when I decided to stay focus, there are bound to be distractions ?????? WHY CANT I BE LEFT IN PEACE????? I really felt I am a piece of trash...why people can do so well and stay focus but for me? I have to struggle in making a choice....Or I would rather say, Am I WILLING to make the choice at all????

I lost something precious 1 year ago, I gain something more precious within that year.....But now? I am neither here nor there! GIVE ME THE CONVICTION! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CONSCIENCE?