Disco Dolly felt so discouraged !...Sigh.............

Jesus, only you will know my heart....although I must admit that I am not a perfect child of God and I may not have given you my 100% love YET, but u know how trueful is my heart to u now.

WON'T YOU LORD TAKE A LOOK AT MY HANDS
EVERYTHING I HAVE USE IT FOR YOUR PLAN
WON'T YOU LORD TAKE A LOOK AT MY HEARTS
MOULD IT, REFINE IT, AS YOU SET ME APART,
I WANT TO RUN TO THE ALTAR AND CATCH THE FIRE,
TO STAND IN THE GAP BETWEEN THE LIVING AND THE DEAD
GIVE ME A HEART OF COMPASSION
FOR A WORLD WITHOUT VISION
I WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE BRINGING HOPE...TO OUR LAND

Lord, You know that I really repented and I thank God for Your grace. But since God had readily accepted me again and given me grace, why others keep habouring thoughts about my past which God has already erased from his record???? So the statement of "U cant shit and eat at the same place." applies even at church!! Those who made the same mistakes are well taken care of because they did not made that bloody same mistakes at the same church! But does that means they are spiritually doing 'better'????? How can a Godly person be so superficial in making such a judgement?? I thought they have the discerning spirit and a heart after God? Jesus, U know very well what I am feeling right now, dont u?......" You mean everthing to me....Your name reigns in my heart...You're all that I depend on........." (Gerry singing Thank You song) Jesus, only u can give me strength dealing with this disappointment now......

I believe in your word written in the Bible that u are a GOD who does not show FAVOURITISM! Its true sometimes, we faced disappointment in our lives, even from the family-in-christ, but I dont hold it against anyone as we are not perfect after all....and I know that I cant let any such thingy affects my spiritual walk with God! Its too worthless to get my soul thrown into the lake of fire for such stupid disappointment. I realised the thought of leaving God seems almost impossible now. I know I love Jesus even though I may not be a sanctify christian or even an unworthy child of God.

Lord, here is my heart and my life, u can see it, dont u? I am sure when others cant see it, u are the only person who sees it so much clearer than anyone else..............U perfectly know how much I have changed for u. You know how much I love u. You know how much I hunger for u. You know and you know how much u mean to me. You know about my everything and even the deep desire to be know u more and be spiritually mature! Lord, U know I am NOT trying to 'wayang' to others about the things that I am seeking from U.....but sometimes, the wrong impressions others perceived really DOES AFFECT ME ALOT!!!!!!!!!!! No wonder OnO was so stirred up and disappointed after reading that email from his secretary......

Lord, U r the only person that I am left with now and You are the person who can fill up the gap and heal all my disappointment. Lord, pls fill it up right now and never allow such seeds to grow..Let the good seeds grow instead! Thank You Jesus!